43 Things

Absnasm is proud to be a rebellious witch whore!

Fall in love (read all 16 entries…)

Worth doing!

My bonny lies over the ocean. — 2 years ago

Ugh.

Same as I wrote August 28th.

But worse. Much, much, much worse.

He’s even further away than normal. Thousands of miles away.

He feels like home. How can I feel at home when my home has flown so far away? I am displaced. I am distracted.

I feel pathetic for feeling like this. I’m a grown woman, not a stupid infatuated teenager.

I can’t even pick up the phone and call him. I don’t know when he’s gonna be able to check his email. And even if I did, an email isn’t a conversation, and even a conversation isn’t enough without the proximity. I want to see his eyes. I want his hand in mine.

Right now I feel like this is the stupidest goal I have ever worked on. It’s so worthwhile for the time we get to spend together, but my god, right now, it hurts. I wish someone had warned me. I was an idiot to think this would be all fun.

Afterthought: I don’t know. I’m probably also feeling a bit shit cos of other stuff that’s happening, or not happening, and I’m pinning it all on this. It’s an easy thing to pin my misery on and it’s probably unfair to give it all the credit. I need to be working on my other goals, and I can’t work out if I’m not because my mind is distracted, or if I’m distracting my mind on purpose.

I think I’m going a bit mental today.

Sep 07, 2006, 06:00AM PDT 11 cheers

Comments:

Moose is of the opinion that life is AWESOME!!!

I am only just

starting to delve into the great realms of your absy soppiness… but I had a comment.

I noticed that, often, just like you said, the times I am most upset about him being far away and feel like I’m going to die of missing him, are when other things are going crap in my life.

Likewise, I have to admit, the times I feel bursting with love and affection and feel securely anchored in this relationship often coincide with wonderful things that happen completely independently of him/us.

Which just goes to show, really, that the harder you work to bring about good things in your own life, the more joyous your relationship will be.

Oct 05, 2006, 04:12AM PDT | Respond to this 4 cheers

Absnasm is proud to be a rebellious witch whore!

I see you cheering all my slush.

Stop it, it’s embarrassing! ;-)

Yes, I agree. I was having a particularly awful time of it that week, and in the cold clinical light of sanity – or at least, more sanity than at that particular point – I have to concur that a large amount of what I was feeling was unconnected to his absence. I just wanted to share the misery with him, awful as that sounds. Nah, I just wanted the comfort of him.

You really hit the topical nail on the head with that last paragraph. I must admit that I haven’t been working very hard to prevent myself being completely subsumed by the relationship. You know what it’s like – falling, falling, falling, all you want to do it talk to them/be with them. I have so much I need to do, and so little time in which to do it, and so does he, that we really need to make an effort to actually do it and stop spending all our time in each other’s Skype headsets.

Oct 05, 2006, 06:39AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 5 cheers

Moose is of the opinion that life is AWESOME!!!

skype

I have been wondering about skype. I don’t think we need it now though, we get enough of each other now I think. It’s all relative – at first it was really really hard and seemed really unfair that we didn’t get to spend enough time together, and now we have enough (more than enough somedays, it seems). I would love to know how that works.

My experience is that if I keep getting more and more wrapped up in a relationship, eventually the relationship deteriorates. I don’t know but I suspect this is because my expectations of it increase at the same rate, and eventually no kind of relationship can live up to them. And that, I suspect, is because no kind of relationship is big enough or great enough to take up the entire space of one person’s life.

It boggles me, how it works, because I get tied up in the “relationships need work” and “the more you give to a relationship the better it is” type logic, but I know from trial and abysmal errors that doing things for myself, taking care of myself, putting time aside for myself, improves the quality of the time I spend with him, increases what I have to give him, and he is happier because I am happier because he is happier because… blah blah blah to pukeworthy infinity.

Because of our relationship we are both able support each other in living our own lives. With more gusto than before.

_{following the conclusion of this sugar-coated epistle I shall be retiring to my chair of thorns to extract three teeth and a toenail or two.}

Oct 05, 2006, 07:18AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 6 cheers

Absnasm is proud to be a rebellious witch whore!

My God, woman.

I think you may be the wisest person I know.

Oct 05, 2006, 10:26AM PDT | Respond to this 1 cheer

headapollo has a glue gun

I think you're right

This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot recently because the difference in the way I act now compared with when I was younger is that I’m concerned about my own personal growth. It’s a kind of selfishness but a good kind. It makes you a better person to be around.

It’s also important not to rely on another for your happiness. The spark of happiness comes from within.

Oct 05, 2006, 10:44AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

Absnasm is proud to be a rebellious witch whore!

Yeah, yeah.

She is right. I know damn well everyone has a need to grow and learn and live for themselves. It’s just that I like being all wrapped up in the sweetness, dammit. I need some discipline to drag me away from it for long enough to actually get something done.

Anyway, this is a conversation that we should have offline rather than in some kind of Judge Judy TV relationship counselling show kind of way.

Oct 05, 2006, 11:18AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

Let's focus please - headapollo

Why? It's my thread. - Absnasm

judy signing off - Moose

Moose is of the opinion that life is AWESOME!!!

::nodding::

I agree – happiness isn’t made by relationships. Strengthened, reinforced, made sparklier maybe, but you need your own happiness to bring to it in the beginning.

And I total concur on the good kind of selfishness. It wasn’t many months ago that someone said to me, you can’t let him be the only thing you’ve got going for you. She was so so right, as it turns out.

Oct 05, 2006, 12:39PM PDT | Respond to this 2 cheers

paperfaerie speeding up destiny

bah that's nowt

It took me 18 months of doing nothing but yucky love stuff before I realised I had chores to finish.

^{it’s nice though}

Oct 05, 2006, 09:39AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

Absnasm is proud to be a rebellious witch whore!

Now, that's true.

You and D didn’t emerge blinking from your rose-covered bower of lurve for a year and a half. We were all still here for you, awww. And yeah, it is nice. It’s just… I have stuff to do! You know, like getting a proper job and… wallpapering the bathroom.

Oct 05, 2006, 10:13AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

Moose is of the opinion that life is AWESOME!!!