43 Things

sitio saw Baka Beyond live and loved them!

don't take things personally (read all 3 entries…)

fare thee well — 1 year ago

It is very hard not to wonder what I said to upset somebody to make them unsubscribe from me. I know that people close accounts, they move on, they adjust subscribers, it may not be that I did anything at all. It could be that what I say just doesn’t interest them. It could be they hate my foul language. But in the end, really, I shouldn’t take it personally.

I am certainly confused as to why I have as many subscribers as I do. And yet, I lost 6 subscribers this week and I have to say that it does bother me. I think it’s the not knowing who or why that makes me sad. Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my subscriber count so’s as to not know. Ignorance… bliss? Maybe not.

So, goodbye you mystery 6. I hope you fare well. You’re welcome back anytime you like, but you’re free to go any time.

Those of you still around and interested in the verbose ramblings of an aging programmer, you’re crazy, but I love you.

Oct 18, 2006, 03:09PM PDT 15 cheers

Comments:

sitio saw Baka Beyond live and loved them!

maybe i shouldn't tell you

how to see your subscriber number, but the count is there. I’m not sure how you’ve missed it. Even if I don’t tell you, you’ll see it now—believing is seeing.

No, you can’t see the names. At least, if you can, it’s a secret of which I am not privy.

A lot of people adopt the goal of having their subscribers do a roll call to say who they are. I don’t really think this works as the ones you already know (who respond to your posts, with whom you’ve carried on meaningful conversations) all say, “here” and those you don’t, well, don’t. Then you’re left with some number of mysterious subscribers, probably people who don’t really even log in anymore.

For example, I would hazard to guess that you are subscribed to me and it would be no shocker for me to say that I was also subcribed to you. Was that information?

Anyway, yes, I am aware of the number. I don’t know why, but I watch the number go up and down. My mind tries to make connections between how often I post and what I say and if it results in losing subscribers.

Why do i do this? I don’t really know. Is it a vain popularity contest? Not really, because I don’t know how many subscribers anybody else has. When my number hit more than a few many months ago, it sort of freaked me out, in fact.

Is it wanting to matter to the 43T community? I don’t know. I love the people I converse with here already and I don’t think it’s going to far to say that some of them enjoy what I write.

So, I guess I’d say I do matter to some already. I’d also say that I like mattering to some people.

I certainly haven’t changed what I have posted, my viewpoints, or my language thinking I can go on a subscription drive or make people stay.

I really can’t figure out why the loss of 6 people makes me sad. Maybe it’s just some kind of game-like scoreboard.

Oct 18, 2006, 05:42PM PDT | Parent | Respond to this 1 cheer

A Girl in the Curl

Matter to some?

Sitio!
not you, too!
This gets to you?

I admit to being one of your most loyal and faithful readers. I’ll never unsubscribe. :)

When I was chewingfoil, I was up at nearly 100 subs and it made me crazy to think about who the hell would want to be reading me, anyway.

Counts would up and down, and I’d always know what I said or did to piss a few people off—usually, my serious posts, about my mom, or my MS or whatever, would spook away a few people. I think those were they “hey, she’s funny” folks, who were greedily soaking up the humor, but not in it for any meaningful dialogue. Once they found out I am mortal, I have hurt too, not just nyuk-nyuks, they unsubscribe.

Fuck em.

I know most of who’s subscribed to me now, and I don’t edit what I say or think or feel. I am who I am, and love me or love me not, but I’m not going to edit what I’m thinking.

I’m not playing a part here, I’m being me.

I know more than a handful of folks that admire you, nee—WORSHIP you.

So STFU.
We love ya.
;)

Oct 18, 2006, 05:53PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

sitio saw Baka Beyond live and loved them!

that was lovely

but totally not necessary.

I’m not going for the love fest here, I’m just trying to figure out what my deal is. How come some goofy number dropping made me sad.

I like that you’re funny and real, btw. Human, joy, hurt, fun, sometimes vulgar, always genuine, always courageous as all hell.

And you’re right… people who want one dimensional should go watch T.V. ;)

Crap, love fest anyway.

mwah!

Oct 18, 2006, 06:01PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

A Girl in the Curl

Vulgar?!

HARUMPH!

Oct 18, 2006, 07:02PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

sitio saw Baka Beyond live and loved them!

You're right

Vulgar was not le mot juste. I meant to say “bawdy” like a fine Shakespearean comedy. I was in a hurry to head off to the meditation center and was, ironically, not mindful of my word choice.

Oct 18, 2006, 10:38PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

Whew! - A Girl in the Curl

Untitled - hunnypie

Silly Drowa washed the dishes

a challenge...

NOW I’m taking it as a challenge to remain ignorant of the number of subscribers…

If I could figure out where on my screen it might show up, I could put a piece of tape there, or gouge out that eye… (actually, I’m not willing to go /that/ far for a challenge)

For example, I would hazard to guess
that you are subscribed to me and it
would be no shocker for me to say that I
was also subcribed to you. Was that
information?

now you’re asking me to OUT myself as a sitio reader!? I’ll never tell!

It’s an interesting little psychological game - on the same level w/ cheers (except you know who likes reading you & why w/ cheers). I imagine the ‘robots’ are enjoying their little game, entertained by how you can get page views based on ‘cheers’ & subscribers… I can’t wait to see the doctoral thesis on internet motivation etc. -

Hmm I guess i’m interested in the subscriber phenomenon b/c it isn’t really information… ~~- for the exact reason you expressed (anxiety or confusion about why you gained or lost subscribers) -~~ you don’t have any clue what people respond to…

I’m puzzled enough about it that my use of punctuation appears to have deteriorated dramatically…

What is it about score boards that fuels us? Why do I like keeping a spreadsheet of yoga sessions!?? Why do I like logging my running miles (google maps finally will calculate on-the-ground-route distances I hear) or obsessively track swim routines? The same instinct, perhaps…

Oct 18, 2006, 06:25PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

sitio saw Baka Beyond live and loved them!

Exactly

We’re being studied by a team of psychologists; the cheer algorithm alone has already won somebody tenor, I’m sure of it. If I just knew what journals to read, I’m sure I’d see our compulsive behavior all statistized and analyzed.

It reminds me of why mice are the most intelligent creatures on the planet (humans are third).

I take my scoreboards so seriously that I have to work to not obsessively calculate mileage and times WHILE RUNNING. I can’t just run and figure it out later, I run and do math.

Silly drowa that we are, why can’t we just be.

Oct 18, 2006, 10:42PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 5 cheers

Silly Drowa washed the dishes

drowa...

the only thing I can come up w/ is a Tibetan story—being a vipassana girl myself, not familiar w/ all these flying dakinis…

Is this what you were talking about? I love the mystery, but this one took me pretty far afield, & I still don’t know that I’ve got it cuz it’s not immediately apparent.

Oct 19, 2006, 08:27AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

sitio saw Baka Beyond live and loved them!

some dakini fly?

Whoaaa… [sitio drools on himself]

I’ve been studying The Wheel of Life (aka The Wheel of Becoming aka The Wheel of Deluded Existence) and in some stuff (my class reader) on that, The Sakyong says:

There is a Tibetan term, drowa, which means “goers” or “migrators.” We are known as migrators because we go from lifetime to lifetime. We go up and down this scale of the three realms depending on what we do. It is said that we migrate endlessly through these realms, and theat we have been in each one endlessly.

A lot of teachers talk as much about the Wheel as a map of mind, a Buddhist psychology, describing states of being, ways of being, coming into and out of existence (birth/death) many times every moment. That we cycle endlessly in our minds through the realms in this lifetime.

We are drowa, moving, migrating, becoming, changing, fighting, constructing, defending, destroying—never just being.

Oct 19, 2006, 09:54AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

that sure is some fly dakini! - Silly Drowa

SMCLA - sitio

I want a reader on tibetan buddhism!! - becky

I know it isn't Tibetan - sitio

um, kind of.. - becky

Yeah, it'd be fun - sitio

!!!!!!! - becky

Do you have a new address yet? - sitio

yes.. - becky

Do you have particular interests? - sitio

i don't know - becky

ooh, reader... - Silly Drowa

Trauma_Junkie is eatching the weather....of tropical storm Fay.

you aren't the only

one to take the mileage and running thing a little overboard….

At least regarding subscribers..I’m cool.
I subscribe to pretty much no one. But I have a lot of subscribers, sometimes I lose a bunch, I guess for being boring, then a bunch come in again, and I never worry too much about it.

Nov 16, 2006, 07:06PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

sitio saw Baka Beyond live and loved them!

There's not much I like about treadmills

But one of the things I do like is all the numbers going on… miles, laps, vertical distance, calories burned, time elapsed… marvelous real-time displays.

And there’s the rain thing… which I think you understand. The weather is always nice on the treadmill.

On the other hand, it seems so perverse to run indoors and it is so easy to quit. If you run 6 miles away from home, you pretty much have to run 6 miles back. On the treadmill, the end of your run is one stop button away. It’s just too easy to let that little voice win.

Plus, running 9 miles on trails in Denver in 36 degree weather with my step dad riding a bike along side a couple years ago for marathon training over xmas vacation stands out as one of my favorite runs of all time.

I’ve been following your mileage posts. You seem to be recovering well. I’m very pleased for you.

Nov 16, 2006, 07:57PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

:) - Trauma_Junkie

don't take things personally (read all 3 entries…)

fare thee well — 1 year ago

Comments:

maybe i shouldn't tell you

Matter to some?

that was lovely

Vulgar?!

You're right

a challenge...

Exactly

drowa...

some dakini fly?

you aren't the only

There's not much I like about treadmills

The world wants to...