I decided to do this once before and I would eat and throw it up, eat and throw it up, so on. I wouldn’t binge or anything. Just eat and throw up. And then I couldn’t throw up anymore because my throat felt so raw. So I stopped.

Then I tried starving. I went for only a few days and lost 5 pounds but I nearly passed out at work and so I stopped because it scared me.

But now I don’t work anymore, and I’m studying at home so I don’t really need to go anywhere that might contribute to me getting dizzy or overworked. So I can do this this time. Today I tried to restrict down to 900 calories (I was thinking I would do 900 this week, 800 next week, 700… so on until I got down to 300 or so.) For breakfast I had pop tarts with a glass of milk. Then I had a cup of salad with dressing, and I was feeling OK and having lots of water. And then I went BERSERK!

I had 2 bagels with spread, a whole lot more salad, 2 rice krispie squares, more pop tarts, egg rolls, marshmallows, bananas, cereal, etc, etc, etc. And then I threw it all up. I feel so disgusting and so gross and so weak.

Tomorrow I’m going to start a liquid fast. I’ll see if I can do that for a few days, let my stomach shrink a bit, get myself used to not eating so that I can cut way back and be thin. I want so bad to be thin.

I can do it.