I’m a slave to school.
I’m a slave to my own loner tendencies.
I’m a slave to my own loss of faith in humanity and religion.

On one hand it is very liberating to be so unencumbered. My parents pay for everything, I haven’t chosen a major. I just feel like the future is wide open and I love it, but there is, as Stuart Little says, “an empty space.” I’ve severed my connections to everybody that matters in this world. I’m utterly alone. A black sheep. This fucking college is exactly like a high school, except my high school had over 2,000 people and this college (a studying abroad campus) has an estimated 300. I can tell that people wonder about me. They feel sorry for me, which is humorous because I merit no pity. They speak English to me, the language of formality.

Religion was my crutch, my security blanket. It allowed me to be smug and stay happy. It allowed me to be a terrible person. I’ve lost…my soul, my belief in a soul. I’m…an animal, slave to my little animalistic desires. Right now I just have very little drive to make friends. I’ve grown bitter, disenchanted. The ridiculous lifestyle I’ve been living. This fucking Mercedes world, flashy cell phones and wooing friends with fancy rims, driving by the beggers, forming the cross on your chest. Fuck it all.

So what do I do? Study my ass off. All the time. Get A’s to get out of here. Oh and use sentence fragments instead of complete sentences.

Who, if anybody, will break down these walls I’ve built?