Seriously I cannot stand it. I keep pushing re-dial on my phone, and he still won’t answer. yeah I know you think I’m dumb. It’s alot easier to “not call” right. WRONG. We have 3 kids together. Were together for 5 years. Haven’t been “officially” together for 1 year. But have a 2 week old son. A 1 year old, and a 3 year old. He has still kept “one foot in the door”. I let him do this. There have been times over the past year or 2 that I have been “ok” and confident without him, but every once in awhile he will stop talking to me randomly, or start fucking with someone else, so he will ignore my calls then. I will leave him alone for a few days, and I will get that 3 am call saying unlock the door. I do. Like a fucking idiot.i know know know that if I was talking to someone right now, he would flip out. I would never do that though, because I really love him. Want to be with him. He told me the other day that he wanted to come home so bad. I just need something bigger to live in because he has an older son. Why say that shit, and then 2 days later ignore my calls, and when I did get him on the line, he was like “what?” Like why would I be calling? The thing is, this is how things have been for the past year. Hot and cold. I really need to just forget he exsists. How the hell can I do that? I feel like sometimes I can’t breath without dude. Like I would wait A million years for him. I get so angry, and hurt. I love him more than anything. Also, he disses my kids for this “run around lifestyle” that he has made for himself. This man has given me A million reasons to hate him, and almost none to love him, so what is my minds problem? He isn’t shit. Really. He doesn’t have a job. He sells drugs for goodness sake. He isn’t that FLY. But to me he really is. He doesn’t take care of his kids. He cheated on me in the five years we were together so many times I can’t count. He has put his hands on me. Our 1 year old, he denied her for the first year she was alive, even though HE knew I didn’t mess around, and she looks just like his twisted ass. I heard Rumors, that he slept with my best friend, and even worse, my mom. He gave me a fuckin disease. He didn’t come see his kids on christmas. He didn’t even come to the hospital until our son was 2 days old. He turned my mom into a junkie. He hates my dad. The last time my grandfather was in town like 2 years ago, he gave me additude about going to see him at my mom’s, so I didn’t go and a year later he died of cancer, I never even got to see him in that year. WOW. Typing it and reading it back does something for me. It makes me see. But I still love him, and I know everyone thinks I’m CRAZY. I think I am too….they say love is blind, but blind, deaf and dumb is more like it. PLEASE GIVE ME SOME INPUT IF ANYONE CARED ENOUGH TO READ THIS WHOLE THING….....and the whole time I was typing, I was still pushing re-dial…..no answer.