I have a pretty low view of myself. Blame it on my mother, blame it on my ex, Milli Vanilli told you to blame it on the rain. Whatever. I can’t possibly think of 43 positive things to say about myself, but I have thousands of expressions for my self loathing, like Eskimo words for snow.

So, here goes. I’ll start with the one thing I have always believed about myself.

Number 1- I am really goddamned freakishly smart.

That was easy. It’ll get tougher now.