more difficult than I thought. “Great goal”, I thought – “must add that”.

But now I’m all confused. In order to say “yes” to some things I really want in life I have to say “no” to other things I really want in life. And then that makes me feel I’m not saying “yes” to life at all, but rather “maybe, life” or “ask me again in a few years’ time, life” or “what was the question again?”

I know about giving up instant gratification for The Good That Is To Come, but how do you know which is instant gratification and which is your Life? I know I’m probably meant to say yes to the bad parts of life, all of it, but does that then mean I shouldn’t try to shape life consciously at all – or is that rather the ultimate yea-saying to or affirming my one precious life?

This is all just rambling, but I wish I didn’t have goals I don’t understand myself. Or do I? Are those ultimately the best goals, the ones I have to struggle to make sense of, the ones I have to stretch to try to reach?

I’m a fundamentally lazy woman, so I surprise myself constantly by choosing ‘not easy’.

_{[Edit: Note to self: perhaps I’m not “fundamentally lazy”. Perhaps that’s a limiting belief.]}