Comment: Not so strange. by gabby on 43 Things

I struggle with being happy for other people. It’s not every person, and it’s not all the time. I’d hate to confess this to friends for fear that when I say “I’m happy for you!” they wouldn’t believe me. When I’m not happy for someone, I try not to say that I am, so that at least I won’t be lying.

I think that often when someone tells me something or I learn about something they’ve done, I’m either jealous, mad, disappointed with myself.

Jealous – you backpacked across Europe and I’ve never even left the country.

Mad – example, the friend who flaked out on me recently. I guess I should be happy that she’s going to Vegas, but I was mad as hell that she wouldn’t be doing some things with me that she said she was interested in doing.

Disappointed – you accomplished something I’m not good at, or you are in a place in your life I can’t even imagine being at.

It’s very strange, and like I said, it’s not all the time. Sometimes it crops up when I look at my friend’s facebook pictures – their trip to China, the road trip they just took with a bunch of friends, whatever. [I’ve even though of deleting my Facebook account so I can stop upsetting myself]Or a friend is going out of town yet again. Or…I don’t know!

I mean, a little bit of this is normal right? But how do you really learn to just be happy for other people?

Jul 15, 2008, 06:16PM PDT | 1 cheer

Comments:

gabby loving my life

Not so strange.

Actually the way you feel is not so strange. But of course it isn’t healthy either like you said. I think we all tend to compare ourselves to others, and I think that is the key… learning to be content with what we have so we don’t have to compare our lives with someone else’s. I think posting your dream list here on 43things is a great thing for you to do. Think about what YOU really want to do, and then start taking small steps towards the ones you want/are able to accomplish right now. Find the joy in your own life.

So, your friend went to Vegas. That is awesome, but what are you doing right now that is cool? It doesn’t have to be a trip to another state.. maybe you can cook a new recipe and invite friends over to share it with you.. That will create memories that are meaningful and fun. And if you really wanna go to Vegas, then stick it on your list and when you are financially able to, and when you have vacation time, then it will be your turn!

You are an awesome person with your own unique talents, skills and abilities. You have your own set of memories and dreams.

Jul 15, 2008, 06:49PM PDT | Respond to this

cogentdiversion

Thanks...

I have a lot of work to do when it comes to comparing myself to other people. That’s one of the goals that’s been on my list for a while. It’s usually hard, especially when someone brings up something they are doing and it’s something I wanted to do, but can’t. jealousy.

I guess I just need to figure out what the heck I’m doing!

as for the part about vegas, I have no desire to go vegas. I was mad because she backed out on 3 things she said she’d do with to so that she could go to Vegas. So, in that situation, I’m trying not to be mad about getting ditched, and trying not to be jealous of the fact that she’s taking a road trip with friends. I’m trying to let go of the anger.

Thanks for the great comment!

Jul 15, 2008, 09:02PM PDT | Respond to this

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Not so strange.

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