43 Things

Find a Lover ("friend with benefits") etc

Relationship????? 4 months ago

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not ready for another one of THOSE just yet. But a gal has needs, and I am also not ready to only be having sex with myself, as great as that may be. I am in my sexual prime for God’s sake…...I am not going to waste it.

But how does one go about this? I don’t know how to meet men anymore, and I am not a bar person. I tried local personals…...an unmitigated disaster. The responses to my ad freaked me out, so I removed it. Sigh.

Dear God/Goddess: Please send me a hot man with no STD’s and a willingness to practice safe but kinky sex. Tall, dark and handsome would be nice, as well as chest hair and a Harley Davidson. (Is that asking too much, ya think???)

Jul 15, 02:09PM PDT | 12 cheers

Comments:

Dominant7th

I know exactly what you mean

The problem with sex – for straight women, anyway – is that it can so easily lead to relationships, which is why I have uncharacteristically been staying well away from the whole matter since my late beau’s death.

I’ve envied my gay friends who have options like going to the baths, or just going to particular parks, making eye contact with someone and getting no-strings-attached sex. Jesus!

Chances of me “going first” are pretty remote.

^{Will have to find someone else to trick into checking something I have idle curiousity about then, darn.}

Jul 17, 10:45AM PDT | Parent | Respond to this 2 cheers

Bee, as in "Honey"......

“The problem with sex â€“ for straight women, anyway â€“ is that it can so easily lead to relationships…..” (D7)

I think you are right, but I believe that is because too many women confuse lust with love. They think that if they’re having sex with someone it “must be love.” Au contraire! I learned about and made that distinction in my 20’s….it was quite a revelation. I thought I was in love with this guy because we had this incredibly powerful, passionate sexual relationship. After we’d been spending time together for a few months I realized I absolutely was not in love with him…in fact outside of our sexual relationship he actually drove me nuts; he was insecure, arrogant and more than a bit obtuse. But I KNEW for a fact, it was pure unadulterated lust, and as such “recreational sex” and that was OK with me. When he started thinking it was more than that, that’s when I had to end it. That relationship taught me a very valuable lesson about my own sexual nature, and how to make that distinction between lust and the desire for recreational sex, and the sexual, more intimate bond with men I truly love/am in love with. At this point in my life I just want the uncomplicated bliss of a relationship purely based on lust and purely recreational. I am not willing right now to do all the work that comes with “relationship”. I will be again, someday; I was a good partner to my recent ex. (Just because I was dumped, doesn’t mean I am disposable…..at the risk of sounding arrogant myself, I know my worth despite some recent blows to my self esteem and confidence. Everybody keeps saying to me that his is the greater loss. I am inclined to agree with them…..he possessed many good qualites, alas, maturity was not one of them, and that part of him I will not miss, ever.)I’ll be a good partner to another one day, and I look forward to that, but not right now. No “relationships” right now! Just some straight up, no holds barred shaggin’, sister!! Bring it on!! Gotta go…my arms killing me…........

Jul 17, 11:10AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

Dominant7th

that's only half of it

And not the half that I personally have problems with. I was pretty wild as a young person, and was never too concerned about “being in love” – I certainly did fall in love but was, uh, flexible in my attitudes.

The worse problem – and this seems to happen more and more as I get older – is finding guys who don’t go from “just sex” to dependent / stalker incredibly quickly. If you let them in at all, you can’t get rid of them! This is another advantage of park sex. They wouldn’t know where you live.

better rest that arm, BQ…

Jul 17, 11:36AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

nicolasc got to meet Hawkmeister, and he's just as great in 3D!

I was just going to point this out.

You have to be very careful, because you never know if someone is going to turn weird on you. It seems like men in particular get biologically possessive. I’m not into the whole casual sex thing personally, so I’m not speaking from experience, but it’s just something I’ve observed.

Jul 21, 12:13PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

Bee, as in "Honey"......

Yes, that goes without saying, that one must err on the side of caution when considering this type of relationship. Entering into a consensual casual sexual union doesn’t mean you’re entering into it blindly or blithely, without rules, protection, boundaries and self respect. I have normal, healthy needs, yes, but I also have a life to protect.

I have also seen just as many women become eerily and almost crazily possessive of their male companions (though I have never been one to behave so) thus I don’t believe that kind of possessiveness to be the exclusive domain, biolgically speaking, of males. I think that trait has more to do with an individuals own sense of self worth, self esteem, maturity and confidence, rather, the lack thereof, not necessarily their gender.

Jul 21, 01:26PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

You're right. - nicolasc got to meet Hawkmeister,

Dominant7th

there's a lot of bs involved in this thread

it’s more of a general wail of annoyance rather than an actual plan.

(edit: sorry, I misread your caution as being one against casual sex in general instead of realizing we’re in agreement about the risk of ending up more entangled than one might like to be)

Jul 21, 03:39PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 1 cheer

No worries. I assumed it was at least half-joking, but - nicolasc got to meet Hawkmeister,

these other people... - Hawkmeister ~

Why, yes, they do. - nicolasc got to meet Hawkmeister,

Hey! - Hawkmeister ~

Untitled - Bee, as in "Honey"......

On the way? - Hawkmeister ~

Untitled - Bee, as in "Honey"......

Dominant7th

yeah, try park sex.

You go first, okay?

Jul 17, 11:41AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

Bee, as in "Honey"......

park sex

the only “park” type areas in my town are a graveyard and a playground next to a school. neither has any, um, er, cover, ie, no privacy. i don’t mind the dead seeing me in flagrante delicto, but i don’t expose myself to anyone under 21. actually at this point i am so turned off by the immature antics and lack of wisdom and life experience of most men under 40…..so no one under that age is likely to be revelling in my royal hotness anytime soon either. sigh….guess i better start going to some more sex toy parties again to rebuild the collection. we had quite the stash, but i threw them away after we split. too many memories, plus, i was hardly going to use them with someone else now, was i?? (well, ok, i did keep two, knowing it may be a while before i am having sex again with anybody but myself….but i ceremoniously dumped the rest….)

Jul 19, 02:08PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

Dominant7th

with parks like that

might as well name your sex toys, I guess.

Gunther?
Mahmoud?
Aguirre?

Casper (“the friendly ghost”)?

Jul 19, 06:45PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

Untitled - Bee, as in "Honey"......

Hawkmeister ~

remember when

park sex used to be good? The only negative thing you had to deal with was the transmission shift stick, and if it was a “4 on the floor,” well hell, there was always the back seat. Park in a private place, you had the hood available, too.

The small cars these days…. Sigh. Cramp your style.

_{and maybe your calf}

Jul 21, 01:38PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this 3 cheers

I think you mean - Contemplative Jenn

oh, yeah - Hawkmeister ~

Comments:

I know exactly what you mean

that's only half of it

I was just going to point this out.

there's a lot of bs involved in this thread

yeah, try park sex.

park sex

with parks like that

remember when

The world wants to...