I always make it a point to buy a current GF a top-o-the-line BOB. Most guys won’t because they feel like they have to “compete” with the new suitor in the bedroom. WRONG WRONG WRONG….(slaps you back-handed… NEW YORK COP STYLE)
IT ONLY ADDS to the whole experience guys…it never subtracts. Ohhhhhhhh the stories I could tell…
Keys to getting a good one (BOB)
1. MOTOR! MOTOR! MOTOR! (stay away from the red capped ones (where the batteries go in) because they’re crappy motors…Ben Wa puts out some decent shit….(eggs are awesome too)...(more on that at a later time…I hardly know you guys SO STEP the fuck OFF DAMMIT)
2. Get yourself the top Rabbit (PAYDIRT) available
(Trust me here guys) It’ll pay dividends 10 fold
3. length isn’t the most important factor…GIRTH IS. The Ten foot pole is just a punchline to an old joke you idiot.
4. She doesn’t need a Home Depot paint shaker to reach orgasm…its like a wonderful symphony…build it slowly and to a crashing climax. (and take your time)...and mind the cymbals
5. Ask to have the counter girl (at the adult shop) turn all of your (or hers so bring her…if you’re smart) choices on…Feel ALL OF THEM AT FULL SPEED…don’t go up to the counter like a crack addict looking for a fix…people get nervous…RELAX, keep reminding yourself this is going to be FUN AS SHIT…
6. Don’t be offended if you come home and she’s using it…I mean how is a woman supposed to tell you how her bells, buzzers and buttons work if she’s not so sure herself…so LET HER PLAY WITH IT……ALONE, (unless you have a really tall ladder and can look in the window WITHOUT the SWAT team showing up and taking you DOWN…
7. Its a way better gift than flowers on a second or third date (TRUST ME here)...beats the crappy movie idea …hands down.
8. Keep the suckers clean and the batteries fresh…unless you can change things on the fly faster than a NASCAR pit crew on the last lap of a race during a caution… UTI what?
9. Watch and learn…ohhhhh yeah…..this is one of the payoffs…watching a woman in the throws of herself…you’ll forget about your xbox…your computer…the Hockey tickets your buddy had for that night…it’ll make you early for bed and late for work…You’ll remember that you’re a man…and you’re gonna be amazed how fast time slips by …3 hours feels like 10 minutes…prepare to be hypnotized…Remember how your face was, with your mouth stuck OPENED when you were 6, watching the magician at the kids birthday party do those amazing things….same face… but now you’re 30something.
TRUST ME (large oriental gong in the background)
TJ has spoken.
