I have suffered social rejection my entire life—seldom have had more than one friend at once, and often have none at all for months. Now that I’m an adult, other adults don’t come out and say “we don’t like you and want you to go away” and some seem to like me, even to the point of saying very, very nice things to me that I don’t think everyone gets to hear, like, “you really are really nice, nicer than most people. Most people don’t do stuff like (whatever thing they refer to)” “You are just ‘wicked’ smart, you know? How do you know this stuff?” “You are so funny! Your emails are hilarious!” But this seldom leads to a social invitation outside of work or school, or an acceptance of one of my invites.
The friends I have had often just ‘disappear’ on me, even to the point of seeming to be avoiding me. I must be doing something to offend them, or perhaps I am annoying or embarrassing—I’ve even gone so far as to ask them if they would mind telling me what happened so I could apologize or work on the problem…but I’ve never gotten a response! The people who do like me (including a really great therapist) will shake their heads and throw up their hands, saying they can’t imagine why people wouldn’t like me!
How can I find out what drives people away from me, when I have been unable to figure it out for 34 years? I am so desperately lonely and feeling hopeless that this will ever change.
