34. We like to ride the bus together. We sit side by side, his knees pressed into the back of the purple plastic seats. Sometimes we’ll talk, other times we laugh and sometimes we just sit silently watching the world go by. It’s a nice way to pass the time.

35. I used to turn to him all the time. There was an ‘over-rely’ function in our friendship because of how close we were. We were inseparable. He came between me and many a boyfriend because he was my bodyguard, keeping all the ‘wrong types’ away. Like a deflector shield he made the ones that just wanted to be with me for the wrong reasons disappear off. Like a fly swotter to the wasps- he sent them to buzz around other sticky little blondes… a buffer between me and the outside world. Our friendship has always been young and vibrant. Peter Pan and Tinkerbell… but maybe now… we’ve left Neverland for the last time and resigned ourselves to the land of grown-ups??? The last time I ran to him with my heartbreaks was when I sustained a sort of sexual assault thing. I ran to him because I needed to tell someone and he has always been the one I trust. It was nothing too serious in the grand scheme of things but enough to knock my confidence and my emotions into hyperspeed. Enough to bring Heath back into the picture and enough to open up all my old wounds. There is a literary theorist that says we tell our stories as a way of making sense of our lives. In that case… it was for that reason that I needed to tell Luke. He is so easy to talk to and I so needed to understand everything that had and would happen. I feel guilty about making him carry the weight of those events on his shoulders!!!! I almost regret sharing it with anyone because I am now almost completely at peace with the world.

36. We used to spend prolonged periods talking on the street corner. One day we watched about 5 buses crawl along the road, so we must have been stood there for over an hour and a half. But now, he doesn’t share his feelings with me. I don’t know what’s going on in his life. Our friendship has faded and I guess that’s why I want this goal to be crossed off so much!

37. My memories are no longer made of him- there used to be so many memories with Luke in them that I could see him everywhere. I can barely remember his big blue eyes and the way they used to make me think of geysers anymore. His eyes are by far his prettiest features. He also has attractive forearms… and a BIG HEAD.