So the real kiss of death for me in any relationship – and some friendships I’ve had – is when they look at me and tell me how cynical I am. Usually these are females making the observation.
Now the thing is I don’t think I’m particularly cynical but it is a constant pattern in my life. Maybe I should say I do think I’m cynical but I always think people who really know me understand I have this happy child under the cynicism – but maybe I hide that too well or maybe it isn’t there?
My trouble is I don’t know how to do this. Just not say some stuff out loud that I’m thinking? Not give the worst case possibility? Just be happy – what does that even mean?
Just pretend enough so no one notices?
What really bugs me enough to put this as a goal is that it really is the signal for a relationship being over. Of course I’ll still have failed relationships if I do this but at least they’ll be talking about something else. And I’m sick of knowing that hearing this means its over.
Any suggestions on how to do this?
Comments:
I've been there
Actually, not saying it out loud will help. When you express a thought, you typically extend the amount of time & energy you’re giving to that thought. And if anyone responds, it gets extended that much more. And from a more ephemeral standpoint, you’re just giving that thought more power by putting it out there vocally. All of which is to say, yeah, hold your tongue. I found that that helped.
Also, as a side note, I think most cynics have a “happy child” underneath. Cynicism is either an outgrowth of that (disillusionment, of a sort), and/or a protection mechanism for that. The trick is to be less cynical and keep that child. It’s a gradual thing; keep reaching for it.
