Julie Rex Feels terrible for ignoring 43Things! D:
But I am constantly just shoving people away right when they get close. I find this kind of ironic, because I also do the exact opposite.
1. I push people away when they get too close, because I’m paranoid that they will hurt me.
2. I only see the good in people and let them get close enough to hurt me before I even see the bad.
How the hell do I do both!? But I do. And it’s funny, I push my RL friends away. And I let my internet friends hurt me. Just the fact that my internet friends CAN hurt me makes me feel pathetic. The fact that I HAVE internet friends makes me feel pathetic…
I need to start trusting the people around me more, and share more with them. I can’t think of one of my RL friends that knows the real me, through and through. (Excluding Sarah, considering she is both an RL friend AND an internet friend). I don’t know what I am so afraid of, what is the worst they can do? Judge me? Aren’t I the one who takes pride in the fact that I don’t CARE what they think of me? Or is that all just a hoax?
...To an extent, it is. I don’t care what people I don’t know think of me, but my close friends… I care deeply what they think.
I find myself taking small steps to open up to my RL friends. For ex: Configuring my 43Things with my Facebook. Having some of my internet friends on my Facebook. Talking about some of my internet friends in front of my RL friends.
But I haven’t made the big leap, to closing the gap between the two.
For this goal, I want to sort of merge both of my habits together, and just have it be said for ALL of my friends. RL and internet.