Once again, mutual acquaintances have ruined it for me. They told me he is going to marry his gf sometime soon. Like I said, I don’t want him back, but I couldn’t help crying because this is the ultimate proof that he never cared about me. He lied about his feelings towards me. He knew I was in love with him. He knew he meant the world to me. We had our arguments and all, but I always respected him. At the beginning he told me I was his soulmate and everything he wanted and last time we talked (like a year and a half ago, as I’ve written in previous entries) he said he’d never understand why I had fallen in love with him and that he hadn’t felt anything else for me. WTF? I wish I could take some kind of medicine in order to forget about him or something. I’m scared that I’ll never find true love. I feel so lonely. I know he’s not worth my tears but I can’t help crying. I feel so humiliated and abandoned. I can’t believe I ended up thinking of him as my best friend and my love. My only consolation is the fact that I’ve grown so much emotionally these years. I won’t be able to see my therapist until next week and I can’t really reschedule on such short notice. I’m sorry I rambled so much. Just needed to vent.
Thank you for your words, MicroWhisper. I’m glad you made it through.