This is like my big secret, nobody knows, not even my mom (I fuckin killed her lol) : I try everything to get even just a tiny bit of Sauron’s attention but he’s so obsessed with that “Ring” of his, he won’t even look at me, his eye’s always on Frodo -Oh, His beautiful eye… I can’t get tired of it, so vertical, so fiery and romantic, it’s like a giant vagina or something.

I’ve been building an army of 10000 Orcs and siege engines and all that shit for him and he won’t even say thank you, I’m so desperate, he’s the love of my life :( !!!

In my spare time I’ve been writing this poem, but I’m afraid to recite it to him, WHAT IF HE REJECTS ME ??? Goes like this :

Oh, my Dark Lord

You are so, so beautiful

the darkness of You invades my soul

and those immaculate robes of mine

hide a heart thirsting for the shadow

of Your love

it hurts me when you neglect me

for that lucky little Hobbit

what did he ever do to deserve the grace

of your powerful gaze ?

but I shall keep kissing the ground you step upon

and assisting you in finding that cursed weapon

for my Soul

and my Heart

and my beard

and my moustache

are all yours, Baby…