I feel the same way.
It’s bad cause when I get to the point where I feel insanely jealous I do things that are self-defeating in order to “make myself feel better” or to forget about it, it doesn’t work and I alwasy end up feeling worse everytime.
I hope the goal is coming along, there isn’t ANYTHING wrong with you at all, sometimes it’s hard – when you want something or someone so bad.
hugs