I feel like such a whiny baby. I want to cry like my eyes are full of onions.

First of all, real issue: I can’t find my checkbook. And today is rent day. Actually, it’s three days PAST rent day, and if I don’t pay today I’m in big trouble. So I’ve been tearing the house apart looking, but can’t find a checkbook anywhere. I know I had several of them recently… like last month or so. But I have no idea where one is now, and I’m starting to panic.

Okay, so I know I can get an emergency ride to the bank from a friend, and the bank can get me some blank checks, or even a cashier’s check, and I’ll be okay. So this emergency is fixable. But meanwhile I’m a blithering idiot, and I feel rotten.

Second: I want MILK!! I feel terrible depriving myself of the one thing I love so much, and I can’t have it in ANY form. It’s so horribly unfair! I want tacos with cheddar cheese and sour cream. I want a tall glass of milk just to sip and savor because it is so sweet and creamy. I want a cup of cottage cheese because I’m weird that way and I like cottage cheese. I want a kefir smoothie with spinach and strawberries. Hey, that’s nutrition, right? But no. No milk for me. Gotta do this damned test, which if it tests positive means I might not have to feel so horrible anymore. But it would also mean (SOB!) a life without milk. But if it tests negative I get to enjoy my beloved dairy products again, but I still have to suffer unrelenting fatigue, migraines, and who knows what else.

So I’m screwed either way.

I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m frustrated. And I can’t even cry about it because it isn’t really so horrible, it’s just my attitude (and inner composure) that’s horrible.