Lune Fromage: Born of Stardust dances the line between two worlds...

Scholarships, adventures, and what-am-I-going-to-do-when-I-graduate Oh My! (read all 38 entries…)
Horrible things said in the heat of the moment...

I feel really terrible because when fighting with my mother I told her that I just want to get away from her and I hurt her feelings. I apologized and told her that I did not mean what I said, but she said “Yes you did!” and went on about how I’ve always felt that way. I don’t like that she’s telling me how I feel. I am not sure what I can say, because I did not mean it and I certainly do not want to hurt her feelings, she just hurt me and so I jabbed back with my words. I feel like a really awful person. I feel like I do everything wrong. I guess sometimes I feel so powerless and stuck in my own life- that’s not excuse for what I said to my mother though. I feel bad that my mother is hurt and I feel bad that I hurt her. Now I feel like if I do move away she’s going to think that I don’t love her, which simply isn’t true. It’s just that when I am in the house all I hear is about how I am basically a jobless good-for-nothing. I kind of feel like I can’t win and it hurts me too. She sometimes says “I should have just sent you to live with your father.” It hurts a lot, but I never accuse her of not loving me like she did to me. I hold in my anger a lot and this time I just didn’t hold my anger in. This is such a horrible situation. I feel like I just make the world a worse place by being here. I feel like there is no way for me to win. I really do not want my mother to be sad and I really do not want to hurt her feelings and though sometimes we do not get along I always love her and care about her. I feel like the worst person in the world. And now my mother will always think that I hate her… and nothing I say or do will change that.

I just needed to get that out.



Comments:

idkbrblol April is Poetry, Mathematics, Sexual Assault Awareness, etc. Month

re: re: "Broken Heart"

If your mom thinks everyone’s against her and hates her, that’s a big blockade for her there.

Talk with her and tell her something like you wrote: ”...But I never know what is going to upset my mother and so I avoid conversations with her or mumble under my breath. This behavior probably adds to her belief that I do not like her. I do like her, of course I do, but I am just not always sure how to communicate with her.” (And give her lots of hugs every day!)

If this does not help, then maybe reverse psychology will. ”...unfortunatly the bell cannot be unwrung.” I’ve always agreed with the bell quote. This time, however, I thought, “No, but it can be rung louder & louder until it breaks.” (She asks you to take out the garbage: “I never want to see you again!!” She has no mail for you today, “I hate your guts!!” She watches t.v., “Do you have to breathe so loud?!” etc. Until eventually, y’all laugh at the situation.)

Maybe writing down her hurtful things, like “I should have just sent you to live with your father.” for later analysis. “Is this a fair & constructive accusation?” ‘I should have…’ does not sound fair or constructive.

Your fear of your mother’s anger may make you too closed-off for her to see, yes. I think that’s a good point. Getting past your own fear could help a lot.

You’re welcome, and I’m glad you’re optimisnic. [Yeah that’s my typo.]

P.S. I was going to mention working on “forgiving one’s self,” but I didn’t want to pile on too much advice.

And I’ll try to look for you on American Idol.

Lune Fromage: Born of Stardust dances the line between two worlds...

Thank you ^_^

Thank you for the advice. :) The ringing the bell until it breaks suggestion definitely works with my brother, but I think it might just make things worse with my mother and I think you’re spot on with forgiving myself. It’s definitely not piling on too much.

I think I need to work on just not letting her comments affect me, then I will not be so defensive.

Haha, I doubt you’ll see me on American Idol. I was in a few of the crowd scenes (if they used that footage), but I never made it past singing for the producers. However, if you see a turtle hat and kimono then you know that that is me (unless there are other people in that garb running around!).


 

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