Dear 43 Things Users,

10 years after introducing 43 Things to the world, we have decided we have met our last goal: completing the incredible experience that has been 43 Things. Please join us in giving one last cheer to all the folks who have shared their goals with the world, as well as all the people who have worked at The Robot Co-op to build this incredible website. We won a Webby Award, published a book, and brought happiness to a lot of people.

Starting today, 43 Things users can export their goals and entries from the site. Starting August 15, we will make the site “read only”. 43 Things users will still be able to view the site and export their content, but we won’t be taking any new content from users. We hope to leave the site up for folks to see and download their content until the end of the year. Ending on New Year’s Eve takes us full circle.

It has been a long ride (one of our original goals was to "build a company that lasts at least 2 years” - we beat that one!) While we wish the site could live on, it has suffered from a number of challenges - changes in how people use the site, the advertising industry, and how search engines view the site. We wish the outcome was different – but we’ve always been realistic about when our goals are met and when they aren't.

As of today, you will be able to download your goals and entries. See more about that on the FAQ page. Thanks for 10 great years of goal-setting and achieving.

- The Robots.

Export My Content
FAQ

JudithKD is at PC w/ the other name,you should know it!!

Celebrate and use my contrariness to my advantage! (read all 3 entries…)
Related to the preverbal wounding,

I had a talk with someone and they said I had to “forgive” what happened to me. I’m not sure I want to? I work hard at turning the negative rage/anger/shame into something positive, the rage engine.

Without it, I doubt I would have gotten as far in my healing as I have. “Forgiveness” a la Christianity, strikes me as just stupid, if you don’t believe (and I don’t) that something outside of you will protect you and/or the world is not a hostile place.

I don’t believe the world is hostile anymore, but I do think of it as a big, dumb, uncaring sort of elephant you have to stay alert and stay out of its way. The anger helps keep me alert, helps by making me be a bit leery, and I use it, in as positive a manner as I can. I work hard at not holding anger tight anymore. I don’t think I’m cynical anymore. But I do think “forgiveness” is just an invitation to be abused, and I DON’T believe that there’s someone (even DH) who’ll look out for me, always. If it’s convenient? Yeah, sure. If it’s not too much work, yes, certainly.

But the great, wide universe looking out for me? No. So conceptual forgiveness isn’t something I’m trying for. My parents and siblings are victims as much as I was, as was my abuser. I see that, I have a lot of compassion for them in that way. But I won’t and don’t intend to forgive them for how they chose to act. Any or all of them could have done the work, processed their own stuff and grown up; they didn’t. What they did to me as a result isn’t forgivable. It’s understandable,but no, I won’t give them a “free pass.” It isn’t okay; it will NEVER be okay. We could move past it, but that will never happen. They’ll never do the work, and I will NOT set myself up for them to hurt me again, in the same old ways, because I should “forgive” them.

jkd

I realized, reading this, that forgiveness to me is conditional. If you’re hurting me, and you stop, I’ll forgive you OR If you’ve hurt me in the past and we can discuss it, and I can fundatmentally trust you won’t do it again? Yeah, I’ll forgive you. Neither of those are true with my family or the abuser. My parents/abuser are all dead. My siblings’ self-image requires them to see themselves as “fine,” and me as “not quite right.”



Comments:

Dawn Treader Reclarify my goals while exploring a new relationship

Judith...

I feel for you in everything you say.
You’re obviously a strong, brave, courageous woman.
A 1000 cheers from me.

JudithKD is at PC w/ the other name,you should know it!!

Thank you

I just think I’m incredibly stubborn mostly.

Not sure what else to say.

Thanks again—
jkd


 

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