Maybe being a gentleman is listening to what a woman wants, first and foremost, not just what ‘chivalry’ demands, and then being nice about it.

And what the hell is wrong with women ‘insisting on being independent’? Look where being dependent has gotten us! I’m sorry, you’re just going to have to deal with women who want to be independent.

I’m not saying it’s ok for a woman to be rude when a man happens to be in the right position to open a door for another person.

But I, too, hate it when a man assumes that I’m too weak to carry something or too dependent to split a check. Sure, ask if I would like a hand, but don’t just jump in and do it.

treat me as a person, not as a ‘lady’.

I think what you’re doing is just fine, Todd. I am old-school, and think courtesy is not often wanted by many, but I, for one, love it!

I’ve been on the other side of being all independent . . . it’s really not all that great. Yes, I get to raise my kids ALL by myself without help. I’m exhausted.

Yes, I can change my own tire, do my own oil change, fix a lot of things, but now, if a man offers to do these things for me, buy me dinner, want to be kind to me . . . have at it. It sure would help, and I definitely would appreciate it.

I think our culture has really tried to squash the nature of common courtesy and men. That is why many men will not provide for their families because some women feel they have to lord it over men that everything has to be equal.

Things aren’t equal, nor is that a bad thing. I don’t know if I want men having babies.

If you’re a woman and wants to feel powerful changing your own tire, have at it. I still feel powerful (as well as grateful), if the man changes my tire.

Todd, you can open the door for me anytime. :)

but “How are we as gentlemen supposed to be gentlemen when women insist on being independent instead of allowing us to treat them as ladies?” is so patronising.

There is nothing wrong at all with being polite, respectful and making an effort, but you’ve completely blown your previous points out of the water with that statement.

If it’s not done with the presumption that a woman is weak or incapable, if it’s just a courtesy, I think it’s great.

I hold the door open for others, and I think it shows good character when a man offers, even if it’s done out of a sense of tradition. I go by tradition when I introduce people to each other, shake hands with them, etc. We have plenty of traditions that are relics that aren’t inherently insulting. As far as other offers of help, sometimes women are shorter/have less upper body strength/have never worked with a particular tool/etc. That’s just how things are. I offer to help people with packages that look too heavy, to help them get their carry-on into the overhead bin if they are struggling, and all that, too. I just showed Mr. Peabody how to use an automated check-out today because he’d never used one. I don’t do it to be insulting, I do it to be polite. Someone can always say, “No, thanks, I’ve got it!”

Erring on the side of courtesy is the safest bet. You keep holding those doors open, buddy, and don’t let anyone put you off of it! X-)