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FAQ

20 something Needs to stop procrastinating!

Find a gentleman and not settle for anything less.
The Modern Man

Going clubbing on a Saturday night or dancing in a mosh pit often leaves a women inclined to think, yes, “Chivalry is dead”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a man hater, I love men. Men and Women are different, and yes, women’s rights have lead us to be more aggressive and outspoken and less needy of “the perfect gentleman”.

I however, as a truly independent, educated 20-something year old, would like to find A FUCKING GENTLEMAN!

I don’t know if it’s just an Australian thing, but I don’t even think I have actually met a gentleman in my life.

What constitutes a gentleman:

- not making derogetory marks about others based on appearance/handicap/things they can’t help.
- being polite, sincere and generally helpful “i.e. Always opens the door for old people, and occasionally for me”.
- offering to carry heavy things
- Standing when a woman leaves the table. WHEN DID THAT END? BRING IT BACK, NOW!
- accompanying women if they need to go somewhere even remotely dangerous. On two separate occasions I have been left by TWO SEPARATE BOYFRIENDS to go places alone where something bad could have happened, and in the last instance, something almost did (Think sexual assault!).
- A gentleman is never a tight-ass. Considering, on average a man STILL makes more money than a woman, yes, you can fucking buy me a drink!
- A gentleman will never ask for oral sex. EVER. I make it a point to not give it until he has gotten out of the habit of asking for it.

Those are just some basics I would like to find in a guy. No-one is perfect, and no-one can be a gentleman %100 of the time. But for god’s sake men, make the effort PLEASE!.

and if you can, just be more like Ryan Gosling. Oh Ryan, you are the perfect gentleman.



Comments:

Todd Schoonover is going undercover

Effort

I think maybe you just haven’t been associating with the right men, because there are a lot of us out there who were raised to be gentlemen and still do most of what you request. One problem we gentlemen encounter though is abusive remarks by the women we try to be gentlemen for. The number of times I go to open and door and have my hand slapped away or my head bit off by a woman who doesn’t accept it as a gesture is so off-putting. I open doors for women and men regardless of their age or ability because that’s how I was raised. It’s not an ulterior motive.

How are we as gentlemen supposed to be gentlemen when women insist on being independent instead of allowing us to treat them as ladies?

I hope you are able to find a gentleman that will treat you the way you want to be treated.

Cloudberry is a tomato plant with her roots nestled in rich compost.

I don't know, Todd

Maybe being a gentleman is listening to what a woman wants, first and foremost, not just what ‘chivalry’ demands, and then being nice about it.

And what the hell is wrong with women ‘insisting on being independent’? Look where being dependent has gotten us! I’m sorry, you’re just going to have to deal with women who want to be independent.

I’m not saying it’s ok for a woman to be rude when a man happens to be in the right position to open a door for another person.

But I, too, hate it when a man assumes that I’m too weak to carry something or too dependent to split a check. Sure, ask if I would like a hand, but don’t just jump in and do it.

Todd Schoonover is going undercover

Agreed

I am all for women being equals, and independent. I’m sorry if my message above came across differently.

Earlier today I was holding the door for a woman who was carrying a box up the steps to the Post Office and she snapped at me and said “I can get the door myself.” I was just being courteous as I would’ve held the door for anyone carrying boxes. She wasn’t just being independent, she was also being the opposite of a lady. That experience flavored my earlier response, so I apologize if I offended you.

There’s a big difference between being independent and being rude. The latter is what I object to as a gentleman.

doors

I grew up in an area where it was rare for men to open doors. Then I moved to Texas. I had to retrain my husband, but it’s made a difference. I don’t feel less a woman for having a door held for me or a chair pulled out. I feel respected and valued. I know some women would see that in a different light, but that’s okay. I love the chivalry. I don’t mind getting things for a man or doing little things that show I respect and value him, so why wouldn’t he want to do the same? The lady at the post office was just plain rude.

Cloudberry is a tomato plant with her roots nestled in rich compost.

*you* didn't offend me

I just wanted to explain why I think the whole gentleman-ladies-chivalry thing is wrong-headed. It’s not you; we are all brought up with those outdated rules.
Shame on that woman you held the door for, too, for not being able to see that; I am sorry she was rude to you.

molliemoonlight Will be last one standing on here! 43T :)

This is awful!

You did nothing wrong. This woman was just plain rude. You held the door out of good manners, not because she was a woman and you felt she couldn’t manage because of that! Anyone would do this to help out, male or female. If she can’t see that then she’s clearly got a problem. People like that make me mad!

Cloudberry is a tomato plant with her roots nestled in rich compost.

in other words

treat me as a person, not as a ‘lady’.

Living In God's Exquisite, Miraculous Sufficiency 2014 is My Year to FLOURISH! Thank you, Heavenly Papa!

Fine

I think what you’re doing is just fine, Todd. I am old-school, and think courtesy is not often wanted by many, but I, for one, love it!

I’ve been on the other side of being all independent . . . it’s really not all that great. Yes, I get to raise my kids ALL by myself without help. I’m exhausted.

Yes, I can change my own tire, do my own oil change, fix a lot of things, but now, if a man offers to do these things for me, buy me dinner, want to be kind to me . . . have at it. It sure would help, and I definitely would appreciate it.

I think our culture has really tried to squash the nature of common courtesy and men. That is why many men will not provide for their families because some women feel they have to lord it over men that everything has to be equal.

Things aren’t equal, nor is that a bad thing. I don’t know if I want men having babies.

If you’re a woman and wants to feel powerful changing your own tire, have at it. I still feel powerful (as well as grateful), if the man changes my tire.

Todd, you can open the door for me anytime. :)

molliemoonlight Will be last one standing on here! 43T :)

I couldn't agree more

:)

красивейшая Богиня ♥"For every step ahead, we could have just been seated" says Ratty♥

Wow, what a though! God help our civilisation if men were to start having babies!

I'm sorry

but “How are we as gentlemen supposed to be gentlemen when women insist on being independent instead of allowing us to treat them as ladies?” is so patronising.

There is nothing wrong at all with being polite, respectful and making an effort, but you’ve completely blown your previous points out of the water with that statement.

Todd Schoonover is going undercover

Apologies

When I was raised, I was taught that males were supposed to be gentlemen and females were supposed to be ladies. The use of that term was not meant to be patronizing nor derogatory.

See my explanation here as to what I meant by that statement.

I am independent and

self-sufficient, stubborn and pigheaded. I was raised old school just when gender “roles” were being turned upside down. I’ve found that politeness knows no gender role. If someone opens a door for me, I smile and say “thank you”. Many times I open doors or hold one open for both women and men. No gender bias, I just think it’s rude to let a door slam in someone’s face.

The above is a good analogy to simple common courtesy. It knows no gender. Unfortunately, I see many statements of “independence” by women as an excuse to be a complete and total bitch often attracting the disdain of the oaf and brute. I see more expressions of indignation and anger than attempts at education and example. It’s the breakdown of civilized society where the ignorant beast (of both sexes) is celebrated and etiquette (and education) is ridiculed and labelled condescending.

Yes, I’m independent & self-sufficient. I can kick ass in self defense when needed, but I don’t have to be angry ALL of the time. I can still exercise kindness and for both of those reasons, I am usually treated with respect from folks in all walks of life. I am a lady. I see no weakness or condescension in any part of it. I appreciate the company of gentlemen and see no regression into a subjugated moral code in doing so. I’ve just found that there is NO nobility in the savage.

nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot. Please don't take lack of response or reciprocation personally!

HEAR

HEAR!!

BeeQ, hangin round the 43'hood since 2006 BIG LOVE, THANKS & ETERNAL CHEERS TO THE ROBOT COOP & ALL 43ers!!!

Cheer

cheer cheer!

nicolasc will be out of the picture a lot. Please don't take lack of response or reciprocation personally!

I do agree with LIGEMS.

If it’s not done with the presumption that a woman is weak or incapable, if it’s just a courtesy, I think it’s great.

I hold the door open for others, and I think it shows good character when a man offers, even if it’s done out of a sense of tradition. I go by tradition when I introduce people to each other, shake hands with them, etc. We have plenty of traditions that are relics that aren’t inherently insulting. As far as other offers of help, sometimes women are shorter/have less upper body strength/have never worked with a particular tool/etc. That’s just how things are. I offer to help people with packages that look too heavy, to help them get their carry-on into the overhead bin if they are struggling, and all that, too. I just showed Mr. Peabody how to use an automated check-out today because he’d never used one. I don’t do it to be insulting, I do it to be polite. Someone can always say, “No, thanks, I’ve got it!”

Erring on the side of courtesy is the safest bet. You keep holding those doors open, buddy, and don’t let anyone put you off of it! X-)


 

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