sabryn is inspired, and determined.

be a better girlfriend (read all 2 entries…)
Pocky is no replacement for sex

Maybe this is a problem all new parents face. Especially new moms who spend every waking moment taking care of a baby or scrambling to find work. Or maybe it’s just me…I don’t know. But I’m not remotely interested in sex these days.

I feel horribly guilty about it, though R has not complained (much). I try to look after him in other ways – I make sure he gets plenty of time to do the things he wants, I buy him little gifts when I’m at the store, I try to find activities the three of us can do together, I tell him often that I love him. But none of that takes the place of physical closeness, and I know that.

I don’t know what is wrong with me. Sure, I’m tired, I’m stressed, and I’ve got a zillion things to do, but none of that used to interfere with my sex drive. I hope it’s a resolvable issue, though, because I don’t want this to ruin our relationship.



Comments:

Absnasm is mostly elsewhere.

Eeesh.

Pocky certainly is no replacement. Sex is a vital part of life and relationships. It is very very high on the Maslow hierarchy of human needs, and it creates bonding without which relationships fall apart. If you’re in a relationship with an expectation of monogamy, I’m afraid you are partly responsible for making sure R’s needs are being met. Sorry for not giving you a free pass on this but it’s true. Without getting too graphic with my advice, I reckon your best solution would be to google “Dan Savage” “loving assist”, and this will offer you plenty of advice for getting around the problem. Other things to remember: momentum creates momentum. So if you don’t feel like it, sometimes make the effort to start anyway and you might find that you often wind up into it despite your initial misgivings. Don’t wait for your sex drive to return naturally, give it a little nudge. Once the sex is gone, if you don’t take action it is very very hard to get it back.

You know, this is really really really common in relationships, and not just (but especially, I hear) ones where there’s a baby. It’s just that no one talks about it.

sabryn is inspired, and determined.

I was wondering

I mean, surely I’m not the only woman who feels this way. But then I know so many people who have kids roughly a year apart. I never paid much mind before, but after I had A, I wondered how those couples had the time, energy, and inclination to have sex that soon after having the first child.

I think part of my issue is hormonal; I had a perfectly normal sex drive shortly after giving birth, but refrained because, well, I’d just been filleted. (Sitting was difficult. Sex? Forget it.) But somewhere after the 6-week mark, the desire just died. My body still has not returned to normal (Aunt Flo has made a second, most unwelcome visit this month, and she tends to far outstay her welcome these days); it stands to reason that my hormones are on the fritz. Maybe your suggestion to try kick-starting my sex drive will help.


 

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