I don’t know… Not to discourage you, but there’s a gazillion, “woe is me, my life is so dark without hope” kind of poems out there. Naval gazing is only appealing to a self-absorbed author.

The only poems that I remember are those wherein the author either: a) uses the language in a REALLY trailblazing manner, or b) uses a noticeable rhythm or consistent (but unique) rhyme scheme. It’s just one of those things.

You use some subtle rhyme in this poem, but you do so inconsistently. “It’s bleak” is the first half of a rhyme, but “Heal me” is the second half, and “So alive” isn’t even part of a rhyme at all.

A lot of people use free verse today, and that’s okay, but too often authors use it to cover up an inability to craft a poem with a measure of rhyme and rhythm.

The best defense against all this? Revisit, revise, and rewrite. Don’t be satisfied with your first effort. Go back to the poem in a week or two… go back in a month, in a year and rework the poem to make it more interesting and satisfying to you. (After all, if it’s not satisfying to you, it CERTAINLY won’t be satisfying to anybody else.)

Good luck. And don’t worry, if your poem is truly interesting, it won’t matter how long it is. (Remember “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by TS Elliot, and “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe.)