was inspired by the counselling session the other night.

One of the major realisations I’ve had over the past couple of years was that I’d been trundling along through life, with no real sense of me. I’d started to work it out a little when I went to university, and I began to develop some strength in myself… but there was still this very real feeling that I was merely a shell, having nothing of any substance within. My life seemed to have a huge hole… endless, and insurmountable.

We were talking about this the other night, about how far I’ve come in the last few years… particularly in the time that Sue’s known me. I still feel that there are some gaps, but I couldn’t quite find the words to explain it.

Sue’s analogy was that it was as though I still have a few blank spaces on my canvas… which summed it up perfectly. Rather than having the boundless hole to fill, this is much more defined. It’s measurable, in a sense… it takes into account what I’ve already achieved… rediscovering old passions, discovering new interests, and finding new direction. It makes the remainder seem so much more positive… and much more do-able.

When it’s completed, I’ll finally have a picture of me. Not perfect by any means, and certainly something I can continue adding to and refining… but it will be me.