1. Vary the pace
If you usually enjoy it soft, go for a bit of rough. If leisurely foreplay is generally your thing, indulge in a frantic quickie. Are soft moans your usual expression of pleasure? Try talking dirty for a change. You’ll be stunned at the excitement this will generate – almost as exhilarating as taking a new lover!
2. Give yourself a Brazilian
Don’t just trim down there – remove the entire range of body furniture, and the sex will be electric. Removing the hairs hurts like hell, but many women who try this radical wax job never let the hairs grow back. Why? Partly because the mop of pubes that nature bestowed on women has a slight numbing effect during sex and partly because, let’s face it, there’s something breathtakingly naughty about leaving yourself exposed down there
3. Go posh on the outside and slutty on the inside
Teem foxy underwear with something prim on top, like a Maggie Thatcher blouse and a tweed skirt. You’ll feel powerful, beautiful and incredibly saucy, and your man will be driven wild when you give him the occasional flash of a gartered leg.
4. Learn to give the perfect hand job
Here are two natty techniques to put a whole new spin on your handiwork. The Flame: pretend you’re lighting a campfire with two sticks and spin your lover’s penis between your fingers. The Love Tug: as you’re stroking him, lightly pull on the wispy strands of pubic hair sprouting from his testicles – you’ll have him howling in delight.
5. Invest in an edible cleavage
An Austrian designer makes bras that are 100% top-grade chocolate. Each bra is made from 2kg of a special choc that won’t melt as it’s heated up by the body wearing it. At £100, Reinlinde Trummer’s ‘disposable’ bras don’t come cheap, but one thing’s guaranteed: your lover will beg you to let him rip your clothes off with his teeth when you’re wearing it
6. Cook the evening meal in the buff
New research finds that sweating over a hot stove is the perfect opportunity to get kinky. According to a survey carried out in New Zealand, 8% of Brits aged 18-34 have cooked naked with a partner
7. Buy toys online
Fancy giving a vibrator a whirl, but too shy to browse through the sex shops? Then buy a Mini G online. There’s been a recent surge of interest in this clever little device since a clutch of British gynaes started prescribing it for women with sexual dysfunction (a term that covers anything from a general lack of desire to severe genital deformity). Its unintimidating appearance, modest (but not puny!) size and mildness of its vibration make it great for beginners
8. Turn your lovemaking into an all-night affair
Most men pop their corks within minutes of starting sex, but here are two sure-fire ways of keeping yours on the edge for hours. The stop-start method is usually taught to men who ejaculate prematurely, but it has the same delaying effect on regular blokes, too. It involves your lover ‘freezing’ when he feels he’s about to come, then continuing to thrust when the feeling subsides, stopping again when necessary. Also try the squeeze method, which involves you (or him) squeezing his penis just under the head quite firmly between finger and thumb moments before he climaxes – a technique that is almost guaranteed to bring him back from the brink
9. Be selective with the photos you hang in the bedroom
If your dressing table is groaning with framed pictures of your darling poppets, best mates or parents, rethink the décor – lovers don’t perform at their best with little Tommy or Aunt Mavis beaming at them from across the room. Banish family and friends to the living room and replace with beautiful images of you and your lover at various stages of your relationship
10. Turn his body into a masterpiece – then lick him clean
No love nest is complete without a palate of colourful, edible body paints.
11. Teach yourself to orgasm
Anorgasmia (the inability to climax) is scarily common among women, and it’s not always related to insufficient stimulation or sexual inhibitions – physical problems, like nerve damage and medication, can also interfere with a woman’s ability to hit the Big O.
12. Help him find your G-spot
It’s a tricky one to locate, but perseverance usually pays. This super-sensitive area is on the front wall of your vagina and the way to feel its presence during sex is to put yourself on top – lean back, rest your weight on your hands and bob up and down at your pace. Doggy-style is pretty effective too.
13. Tickle his G-spot
Yes, they have one, too (though technically it’s called the prostate gland), and you can find it by popping your lubricated, short-nailed index finger up his anal passage. Take it slowly, allowing the muscles of his rectum to overcome the automatic reflex to contract, then curl your finger slightly in a ‘come this way’ gesture, tapping the wall of his rectum. Then lean back and watch him writhe in ecstasy
14. Get fit – or have a massive barney
A recent study looking at exercise and the female sexual response found that vigorous physical activity ‘primes’ a woman’s body for arousal. For the study, the same group of women watched erotic videos before and after exerting themselves in the gym. After exercise, arousal levels were significantly higher. The study’s author, Cindy Meston, psychologist from the University of Texas, says this may also explain why many couples say they have the best sex after a good fight: they’re all revved up
15. Don’t be defeated by a plateau
It’s very common for women to feel their passion ebb halfway through sex, despite the fact that moments earlier they’d been on the edge of a climax. When this happens, ease off with the stimulation (your fingers, his fingers, a vibrator – whatever) then slowly build the momentum back again. Concentrate on the sensations you’re experiencing and if your mind wanders, gently bring it back to the task in hand
16. Wax yourself a sex symbol
If Brazilian and landing strips are simply too radical for your tastes, why not wow your lover by grooming your pubes into a sexy heart shape.
17. Rev up his performance with herbs
Though Viagra works for many, it sometimes causes side-effects and not everyone wants to treat themselves with pharmaceuticals. Here are three of the best natural libido-boosters. Yohimbine: believed to act through the nervous system to increase blood flow to the penis. Arginine: about one-third of the men with erectile dysfunction notice an improvement after taking this supplement. Ginseng: research shows that red ginseng in particular enhances sexual function
18. Try a smaller toy
If you’re keen to experiment with a sex toy but the thought of a throbbing silicone donger positively turns you off, try something altogether less flashy, like a Pebble . Sleek and subtle, it does its job with wicked efficiency while also doubling as an all-body massager. And as it looks like something you picked up from the beach, it’ll spare you your blushes when your mother-in-law finds it in the bathroom cabinet.
19. Introduce literary fantasy to the bedroom
Read erotica or listen to X-rated books on tape.
20. Take an erotic shower à deux
And if lathering each other up with rose-scented suds doesn’t do the trick, try lowering the shower-head – many women find the jet of water brings them to a climax
21. Go side-to-side
If you’ve only ever managed to climax with him on top, try having sex side-to-side for a change, with his leg draped over your body. It gives the same level of clitoral stimulation and feels just as intimate. Another excellent alternative to the trusty old missionary is the coital alignment technique. For this, the bloke needs to slide a few inches forward from his usual position so that the base of his penis rubs your clitoris. Go for a gentle rock rather than a vigorous thrust. It’s so good, you’ll want your neighbours to be out when you give it a go
22. Dab on the pheromones
Scientists believe these odourless substances, produced by both men and women in glands in the armpits, carry sexually charged signals that can be picked up by others – though only unconsciously. Researchers have been trying to isolate and reproduce these natural aphrodisiacs for decades but with only limited success; however, there are a number of commercial laboratories out there that swear they’ve managed to bottle the magic.
23. Use sex-specific lighting
Keep two lamps on your bedside table, one for normal use and one for those loving moments. Screw a dim bulb into the ‘sexy lamp’ and only switch it on when you’re feeling in the mood. Don’t elaborate to your lover – the simple act of turning on the light is the only signal he’ll need
24. Turn on your lover with a tickle
It may sound silly at first, but tickle therapy is medically proven to alleviate stress and tension (it’s used to awaken the nerve endings in kids with hyperactivity disorders). With your fingers or a feather duster stroke, flick and tease your man all over, paying particular attention to the extra-sensitive spots, like the sides of his waist and the insides of his elbows. It’ll feel like torture at first – we’re talking proper make-him-buck-and-writhe-on-the-carpet tickling here, but he’ll get over his discomfort and come to find the experience incredibly soothing and sensual. It’s the perfect remedy for changing the atmosphere when your lover comes home withdrawn and emotionally closed – guaranteed to put intimacy back on the agenda
25. Buy him a vibrator
Slip the Penisator over his penis before you make love – keep it near the base so the sensitive head stays free, set the pulse to ‘gentle’, then hop on for some of the most humilicious sex of your life
26. Treat him mean!
You don’t need to own a wardrobe of black PVC to become a dominatrix – grab a silk scarf, find yourself a bedpost and you’re all set up for a lifetime of exhilarating S&M. Of course you could always take the fetish up a notch by indulging in some specialist equipment.
27. Prevent unwanted intrusions
Put a lock on the inside of your bedroom door and don’t hesitate to use it if there’s the smallest chance of interruption
28. Look up an old lover
A psychologist from California’s State University has spent the past eight years studying the phenomenon of old flames getting back together, and she has found that rekindled romances are wildly successful – 72% of couples from the Lost Love Project are still together, and if they were first loves, this figure soars to 78%
29. Give a starkers surprise
Hop into bed wearing your usual nightwear, then 10 minutes later slip it off and cuddle up to your lover, spoon-fashion, stark naked. The feel of your bare flesh coupled with the warmth of your body will have him spinning round to face you before you have time to utter ‘frilly nightie’
30. Make a duplicate of your lover’s manhood
There are several kits out there promising to make it a doddle to duplicate your lover’s donger, using special moulding powder to make an exact replica of your fella’s love tool in either plaster or silicone . Better still, some companies will transform a soft mould of your favourite penis into a dildo according to your specifications . They’ll even make you a chocolate-flavoured replica.
31. Wear his shirt and nothing else
Go down to breakfast the morning after the night before wearing one of his casual shirts. It’s a look that blends the vulnerable with the tough and most men find it irresistible. While you’re cooking his eggs, make sure you casually lift a flap at the back to show that underneath you’re wearing nothing but your birthday suit. You’ll be back in bed before toast
32. Large it up with a penis extender
As girls the world over know, size does matter, so listen up little fellas: there’s a nifty new device on the market that can be slipped over the penis to add both length and girth.
33. Make hard mean hard
When your man simply can’t produce a convincing erection, throw him a line by rubbing on a cream designed to revive a drooping member by inducing a slight burning sensation, thus improving blood flow and promoting a stronger erection.
34. Give him a ring
For the bloke who makes a habit of going limp at the wrong moment, invest in a penile constrictor ring. These are worn around the base of the erect penis and work by improving blood flow. But be careful: size really does matter. If a ring is too small it can hurt (especially after climax when the erection won’t go down). Beginners should favour flexible silicone rings over (gulp!) metal varieties and, best still, opt for a model that has a little ‘flower’ extension to stimulate the clitoris
35. Ask your lover to pop a weekender
A new anti-impotence drug is now available on prescription and it has a number of clear advantages over Viagra. Cialis is faster acting (sometimes hitting the spot in just 16 minutes) and lasts up to three times longer (hence its French nickname Le Weekend)
36. Make the Internet off-limits after hours
Research shows that one-third of all Web users (mainly blokes) regularly visit porn sites and though most don’t become compulsive users, many become isolated from their flesh-and-blood lovers in pursuit of online gratification. Suggest to your lover that you hire a soft porn video instead – it’s something you can enjoy together and most importantly, you can do the picking
37. Make him love you slow
If your fella is on a quick trigger, delay his urge to climax with a Durex Performa: it’s a rubber that contains a small amount of a local anaesthetic in the lubricant cream inside the teat. The cream, which disperses with body heat, de-sensitises the tip of the penis so sex can last longer
38. Test out some erotic balm
Another effective way of slowing him down without resorting to condoms is with a gently anaesthetising cream.
39. Jumble up the sequence of your foreplay
Most couples fall into fairly predictable patterns during the build-up to sex, from kissing to breast fondling, onto masturbation and, finally, penetration. Change the order next time (though still leave genitals till last) and add new elements to the sequence, such as a lower-back massage, an earlobe nibble and a spot of sexy toe-sucking
40. Stop faking and start climaxing
If you’re among the whopping 56% of women who fake their orgasms, start toning down those Oscar-winning performances today, or your lover will assume he’s doing a fab job and your genuine climaxes will be doomed. If you can’t bring yourself to go cold turkey, start off by showing him that you don’t come every time you have sex, then reduce the performances until they virtually stop. When he expresses concern, tell him you enjoy sex even when you don’t climax, but that with a bit of technique fine-tuning you’d hit the Big O more often. Next, start training him to satisfy you properly. Don’t be shy: reposition his body or his fingers in such a way that you’re being touched in all the right ways. You won’t regret it
41. Blow your lover away with a pulsating tongue stud
A Vibrating Tongue Ring, which comes with two batteries and is attached to a surgical steel bar
42. Make his hands feel loved
Men in their natural state ‘do things with their hands’ (sharpen spears, build igloos – that sort of thing). Even when they’re removed from their ancient habitat and plonked behind computers, they tend to carry a lot of tension in their hands (ask any massage therapist). At the end of the day, there’s nothing like a tender massage of the palms and fingers to turn a grumbling Neanderthal into a loved-up puppy. Cradle his hands in yours, knead his palms, then gently uncurl his fingers and massage them individually, using essential oils to glide up each digit. Make your actions both gentle and assertive and watch your lover become more vulnerable and responsive with every stroke. You’ll both find the experience a powerful aphrodisiac
43. Learn the secrets of come-hither body language
Mirror his movements, hold his gaze, leave your arms unfolded, laugh even when his jokes are rotten, and never yawn. It’ll make him feel like the only man in the room, while also telling him that you’re willing and receptive. All this without a single word being exchanged on the subject of sex
44. Be bad
If sex has started feeling a little safe, surprise your lover one day by telling him you’ve been a bad girl and deserve a good spanking – a little fantasy role-playing is just the ticket to bring the shine back to a lacklustre sex life.
45. Go cold turkey
If you love your partner but the passion is dwindling, put aside a week, or even a month, where sex is off-limits. It’s a technique known as sensate focus and it requires you to establish ground rules on day one. Touching erogenous zones is good but genitals remain a no-go area. Re-discover the sensual delight of massage, deep kissing and simple touch. Watch the intimacy flood back into your relationship as you learn afresh how to turn each other on. Your love-making at the end of your sex ‘lent’ will be wild – guaranteed!
46. Take a bath with a plastic toy
I Rub My Duckie innocently bobs about in the bubbles while you’re bathing the kids then, with a nifty squeeze of its back, morphs into a vibrator when it’s your turn to take a dip. Winner of Best Sex Toy at the Erotic Awards .
47. And take a few more friends into the bath
Here are two more good reasons to bath rather than shower: the vibrating sponge ball , and the Beyond 2000 Waterproof Rabbit – the first rotating, vibrating, spinning, pulsating vibrator that won’t electrocute you under water
48. Use some ‘lip balm’
Rub a slick of balm on your other set of lips and feel your sensitivity shoot through the roof. The Orgasm Booster is an all-natural balm proven to maximise a woman’s pleasure by heightening the sensitivity of her vulva.
49. Hold hands before having sex
No, not because Grandma carped on about taking it slowly, but because innocent romantic gestures are the best way to get a beau to commit after having sex. It all boils down to oxytocin, a hormone that surges when a woman climaxes (it triggers the shudders during orgasm) and again when she has a baby (it’s largely responsible for mother-child bonding). Researchers from the University of North Carolina have now found that men, too, are bathed in oxytocin when they become parents, and it might strike again during orgasm. The ‘cuddle chemical’, as it’s now known, has been shown to rise when a couple holds hands, hugs or watches romantic films. It may be what makes a partner want to stay until the morning after sex
50. Go high-tech
Enjoy amazing sex – even when he’s on the other side of the world. The Televibe is a fantastic new gadget that gives new meaning to phone and cyber-sex. Tuck this little puppy into your lover’s suitcase before he leaves home and when he gets to his destination tell him to plug it into a touch-tone phone or PC key pad. Next, hook yourself up to the G-pulse vibrator and lie back while your lover activates those sensational vibrations. Orgasmic!
51. Intensify your orgasms
It’s not uncommon for women to go through patches where their orgasms seem to lose their punch, so here’s a simple path back to toe-tingling bliss (experiment alone first, then introduce your lover to the concept). It’s called the start/stop technique (we’ve already described the male version) and it works by taking you to the brink of orgasm (with finger stimulation or a vibrator), then pausing while the sensation ebbs, then resuming again. Do this three of four times before allowing yourself to come and you’ll be stunned by the intensity of your climax
52. Re-vamp your knicker drawer
Underwear doesn’t have to look seedy to be saucy
53. Enter a holding pattern
Men are stimulated during sex by the in-and-out motion of their thrusting, whereas women are more versatile, getting a buzz from a variety of lateral movements as well. Restricting your man’s thrusts by climbing on top and dictating the pace will prolong your love-making while keeping him in a holding pattern until you’re good and ready
54. Switch to sensitive condoms
Polyurethane condoms are made from a type of plastic that is double the strength of the material used in latex condoms, so the finished product can get away with being much thinner than your average rubber. These condoms have the added bonus of being a less tight fit and transmitting heat better, giving a more natural sensation during sex – and they’re just as safe as latex.
55. Make like a French maid…
...or a nurse or a baby doll. Role-playing is fun, silly and incredibly sexy – perfect for casting off those sexual inhibitions.
56. Start wearing a thong
The world is divided between women who do and women who don’t but if you place yourself firmly in the ‘not for me’ camp, here are a few excellent reasons for reconsidering: The Double Pearl Thong . Not only does this look incredibly sexy, but the two strings of fake pearls that run from front to back will send shudders of pleasure rippling through you as you walk. Lucy Swarovski crystal tanga . Real crystals are embedded in the sheer fabric of this stunning G-string – you’ll have nothing to be embarrassed about if these undies poke out from the top of your hipsters.
57. Bag yourself a toy boy
Men reach their sexual peak at around 18 – meaning this is when their sexual appetite is at its most voracious – while women reach theirs at 30. Go girl!
58. Shower him with attention
Show him that you adore him even when he’s getting on your nerves. Okay, so you’ll be faking it to start off with, but if your lover is made to feel like the hottest piece of totty in town, he’ll soon start lavishing attention on you, too, and those genuine warm feelings will come flooding back
Make your lover and your vibrator work as a team. Man-on-top is consistently voted the world’s favourite way of making hay, yet many women fail to reach orgasm with their man playing the missionary. The Lady Bug changes all that. This weird-looking contraption is a jelly-feel vibrator that attaches to the clitoris while you’re having sex, not just during foreplay. So while your lover busies himself inside you, the ladybird feelers caress the front of your vulva. Explosive orgasms guaranteed .
60. Replenish your fantasy bank account
Most women have a reservoir of sexual fantasies that they dip into from time to time in their journey towards a climax. However, many gals stop making deposits into their accounts in their teens, so is it any wonder that the same old storylines stop delivering returns 10 or 20 years down the line? If your account has been sitting idle for some time, start re-investing today. Put a freeze on those rusting old displays of David Cassidy and deposit a fresh stash of images from top-shelf videos like Playboy’s Web of Seduction
61. Raise your bum
Another brilliant way of getting more out of the standard missionary is to tilt your pelvis forward by placing a cushion under your bottom – it gives you deeper penetration, makes it easier for your lover to hit that elusive G-spot and brings your clitoris into more intimate contact with the shaft of his penis. And guess what – there’s a gadget out there that does an even better job than your trusty feather pillow: the Wonder Wedge
62. Teach him to hit your C-spot
No, not your clitoris, but your cervix (at the entry to your uterus). It’s an area rich in sensitive nerve endings and tapping it repeatedly can give a gal an explosive orgasm. The problem is, many men can’t quite reach this far inside a woman’s vagina. Help him stretch that extra inch by pulling up your legs during him-on-top sex – this shortens the vaginal canal
63. Learn to read his signs
If you want to avoid him ejaculating while you’re giving him a hand or blowjob, teach yourself to recognise when he has reached the pre-ejaculatory moment. You need to keep a close watch on his movements, the muscle tension in the area around his groin and listen out for any changes in breathing. Release your grip at the golden moment, pause for him to pull back from the edge, then move on to the next stage of your love-making – it’ll make him delirious with desire
64. Make every sexual encounter a cliffhanger
Write a list of every sex act you and your partner are prepared to partake in – anything from deep kissing and cunnilingus to bondage and anal sex. Snip the list up into pieces and place all the items in a jar. In a separate jar, drop in the names of every room in your home, plus all the surfaces you can comfortably fit on (tables, chairs, washing machine, etc). Then take turns picking out a ‘token of love’ from each jar and proceed with your very own ‘whodunnit and where and when’
65. Use positive body language to make the peace
It’s not easy, but when you’re arguing with your lover try to remain ‘engaged’ by making lots of eye contact – that way, the conflict will be resolved much faster (it’s difficult to remain aggressive when someone is holding your gaze). Also, try not to turn your body away from him when he’s making a point. Instead, lean forward, drop your arms and nod. At the end of the fight, kiss with soft lips to show that you’re truly ready for intimacy to resume
66. Be caught taking yourself in hand
Instead of turning to your lover for a piece of the action, let him stumble upon you taking care of business alone. He’ll be stunned and intrigued to discover you lying back and pleasuring yourself for a change. Don’t make eye contact with him (your aim is to demonstrate that you’re getting on just fine on your own, thank you), just concentrate on shamelessly writhing and moaning. Once he gets over his shock at being left out in the cold, he’ll be bursting to jump in and show you just how indispensable he is
67. Intensify your orgasms with pelvic floor exercises
A woman’s sex life is greatly enhanced by a strong pelvic floor (arousal is stronger and orgasms more pleasurable) but this ‘hammock’ of muscles that supports the vagina is tragically weakened with age and childbirth. The traditional ‘squeeze and release’ exercises prescribed by physios are dull and easily forgotten, so why not invest in a Kegelmaster 2000 which ‘tones’ the pelvic floor with 15 different resistance settings. You’ll know it’s working when your iron grip makes your lover howl
68. Go on a blind date… with your long-term partner
Arrange to hook up with your lover in a public place or a bar and pretend you’re meeting for the first time and still have everything to learn about each other. In the excitement of your ‘first date’ banter you’ll rediscover the qualities you found so attractive in each other way back when – and it’s a lot less harrowing than splitting up and starting afresh with someone new!
69. Make him feel his way
Unlike women, who rely heavily on smell and touch to gain information about the world around them, men tend to process the world largely through their eyes. Give your lover the sensory holiday of a lifetime by blindfolding him with a Padded Black Leather Eye Mask
70. Smother his body in kisses, licks and tiny bites
Target sensitive areas like the feet (especially the soft arch of the instep) and the tender patch of skin behind the knee, then finish him off with a burst of kisses on the inner thigh
71. Pop a pill
Give your libido va-va-voom with natural viagra. Here are two remedies known to add rocket-fire to a woman’s lacklustre sex life. Arginine: relaxes blood vessels and allows more blood to flow through arteries. When used in combination with other remedies, arginine increases sexual desire in women with low libidos (Veromax For Women contains arginine. Available from nutricentre@Tesco and health-food stores, £32.99 for 60 tablets). DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone): this is a hormone naturally produced by the adrenal gland and converted in the body to both the female hormone oestrogen and the male hormone testosterone. It’s believed to improve sexual function in women
72. Have sex in the woods
Or in your car. Or in his parents’ living room. Feel like a young thing again without reliving any of the teenage angst
73. Get minty fresh
Suck a mint before giving him a blowjob – the spicy tingle will drive him wild
74. Blow hot and cold
Here’s a sophisticated variation on the suck-a-mint trick: blindfold your lover then set yourself up with one cup of hot tea and one glass of icy water. Alternate between mouthfuls of these two drinks, pausing to lick, suck and blow on his penis. He won’t know whether he’s coming or going
75. Give him a replica of your assets
It’s the perfect gift to keep your image alive while you’re out of town: a magnificent plaster copy of your breasts. You’ll have great fun together slapping on the wet plaster and the finished artwork will remind him of the size of his catch
76. Flirt outrageously – with other men
If your lover has started to treat you like part of the furniture, remind him of your ‘market value’ by stepping up your feminine wiles the next time you’re out socially. If flirting has never come naturally, here are a few tips: mirror the body language and gestures of the bloke you’re talking to, make more eye contact than you would in (say) a job interview, ask lots of questions and laugh at his stories. Subtlety is key here – you want your lover to be reminded that you’re irresistible, but you don’t want to trigger a blazing row
77. Make a sexy home movie
You don’t need a top-of-the-range camera, but you may need to do some screen tests on yourself first to get the hang of performing to camera. Practice alone, then show him your screen tests to guarantee his involvement in the sequels
78. If you’re shy, write an X-rated short story
By separating yourself from the author of the story, you’ll find it easier to express your deepest desires and show your lover just how erotic you’re capable of being. Better still, make him the story’s co-writer. Take turns to add a paragraph to the narrative, embellishing on each other’s passionate storylines. In all likelihood you’ll be starring in the screenplay before you’ve scribbled down the first 1,000 words
79. Tread the spider walk
Watch your lover tremble with desire: lie him down, face up or down, and order him to close his eyes. With the tips of your fingers, touch the hairs on his body without making contact with his skin. Hair-caress him all over his erogenous zones, then, using the faintest flick of your tongue, kiss him on the lips. The overall effect can be enough to bring a bloke to an orgasm
80. Phone a friend
If you and your lover want to open up your sex life to other couples but aren’t quite ready for the anonymous swingers scene, why not invite a pair you know to join your fun? Consider your quarry carefully – the chosen ones must be attractive, open-minded and relaxed. Bear in mind that they might regard your request as hysterically funny or absurd, so consider whether your friendship could survive a rejection. Once you’ve found a willing couple, establish early on what you all want to get out of the experience (some may only want to watch) then warm up with a kinky couples game like Nookii
81. Take charge!
If you tend to take a passive role during sex, break the habit of a lifetime by being the one to pin him to the bed for a change. Follow this sequence and you’ll wonder why it took you so long: sit on your lover’s chest with your back to him and your bottom close to his chin. Focus on his genitals, bringing him to the brink of orgasm and then back again with your hands and mouth, then rearrange your position slightly so your nipples and cleavage can become involved in the action too. To stimulate yourself, rock between his collar bones (careful not to strangle him!) then, when the time is right for you, wriggle forward and without turning around, let him enter you
82. Keep the flame alive
If you’re caught in a pattern where you never – or rarely – have sex with your partner (easily done when you have kids or crazy work schedules), don’t give up on your relationship or assume the love has gone – you’ve probably simply lost the habit of being physical together. Break that habit today! Stop waiting for your lover to proposition you or for the tiredness to abate – come on to him tonight, no matter how you’re feeling. It may seem forced at first but after you’ve done this a few times, it will start to feel comforting, lovely and normal to be intimate with your partner once more, and you’ll actually start to look forward to sex again
83. Have ‘casual sex’
When one of you is in the mood and the other isn’t, agree to have a quickie and let the horny partner call the shots (try to make the arrangement balanced by taking turns). This way, the lustful partner enjoys the intimacy and release of sex while the other simply goes along for the ride – on these occasions, making him or herself available is all that’s required. Casual bonks take away the pressure of having to turn sex into a meaningful event at every encounter. Sex isn’t always poetry – sometimes it’s just sex
84. Reserve a room in a hotel – and book by the hour
Why should lunchtime quickies be the preserve of married businessmen having affairs with their secretaries? Orchestrate your hotel tryst with your usual lover – it’s a superb arrangement for injecting urgency and passion into an established relationship
85. Demand hard cash for services rendered
If he wants a saint in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom, make him pay for the fun stuff for a day. Issue a list of charges: hand-job £20, oral sex £40, full sex £60 etc. It’s a business strategy that never fails to unsettle the balance of power. Needless to say, she who earns the cash gains control. Try to limit the game to one day – there’s a serious risk of addiction
86. Put him on the payroll every so often
This one can work both ways – if he performs like a gigolo, dig deep into your pockets
87. Have sleepy sex and release the beast within
If you wake in the middle of the night aching for sex, act on this impulse before your mind kicks in and you start ticking off the hours till the alarm sets off. A bit of night-time pinch and tickle is one of the most liberating sexual experiences a couple can share. The sex invariably starts out slow and mellow but it doesn’t take long for a certain wildness to creep in – before you know it, you’ll be grunting and bucking like a couple of wildebeest
88. Catch an early riser
Men tend to produce their best, hardest erections first thing in the morning, so take advantage when he’s just woken up. But keep your love-making brief (put a time limit on it). Make sure the session ends before he climaxes, then proceed with your normal morning routine and leave for work. This unfinished business will be on his mind for the rest of the day, so prepare yourself for some bed-breaking sex that night
89. Send your lover subliminal messages
Draw attention to your most sexually-charged features during the normal course of the day by placing your palm across the relevant part of the body (it may be your breasts, it may be your left ear). This gesture may not register on a conscious level, but the message will be planted and recalled by him later when you’re stripped bare
90. Kiss more – it’s good for body and soul
Dentists tell us that kissing is good for the teeth – it produces saliva and reduces the build-up of natural acids in the mouth. The Marriage Guidance Council has found that an absence of kissing is the first sign of a relationship growing apart. What’s more, we burn three calories each time we kiss. Okay so you’d need to share over 1,000 snogs to lose half a kilo, but it’s a start
91. Return to sex school
Most adults assume they’re fully qualified, but have you ever stopped to ask your lover if you’re fondling him right? Perhaps he’d tell you that you pump him like a jackhammer – and no, that’s not a compliment! Put your pride to one side and ask him if he’s happy with your technique and how might you improve. Equally, if your lover’s caress feels more like he’s sanding a bookcase than taking you to heaven, let him know. The best way to learn about each other’s bodies is to peel back the sheets and take turns watching each other – the greatest expert on what turns you on is you
92. Take him on a pleasure treasure hunt
Spend the afternoon hiding clues around the house. They could be little messages telling him what you have in store for him, saucy items of lingerie that you plan to wear, or sex toys that will come in handy later. The final clue should be a Polaroid of you in the buff. A message on the back should lead him to you – you’ll be waiting in the bedroom or maybe a hotel room. Make sure he trips over the first clue or you could be waiting a long time
93. Make sweet-scented waves
Share a bath infused with essential oils known for their aphrodisiac qualities. Drop in three drops of ylang ylang, three of jasmine, one of juniper, three of rose and eight of sandalwood. Then make some waves
94. Play games
Roll a pair of ‘oral sex dice’ whenever you’re in the mood for a bit of mouth play and you’ll never partake in the same oral sex experience twice (remember the maths? Two dice provide almost endless combinations).
95. Share a bottle
White wine is generally considered a more potent aphrodisiac than red but, as a rule, the better the quality of the wine, the more lasting its effects. Too much acidic wine can take the edge off a man’s sex drive. Claret is one of the least acidic wines and therefore one of the biggest vintage turn-ons, despite its colour. But don’t be tempted to uncork a second bottle or the night (or your lover at least) will almost certainly be a flop
96. Stop when he pushes you too far
Being unwilling to go along with one of your lover’s more unusual requests doesn’t make you a prude. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of role-playing, but if he insists you dress up as his grandmother, then you have to choose between your limits and his demands. Empower yourself by saying ‘no’
97. Own a Fukuoko
If the name alone isn’t enough to justify buying one, perhaps the run-away success of this dinky little vibrator will convince you to add it to your bedside drawer – 1 million have been sold worldwide. The Fukuoko 9000 vibrates at an astonishing 9,000 revolutions per minute and comes with three different texture tips. Can you really afford to be without one?
98. Keep it skin tight
Clothes that cling are a massive turn-on. Most sex shops sell a range of PVC body-huggers, but if the thought of head-to-toe vinyl makes you break out in a sweat, why not slip into a black net mini-dress instead?
99. Act out of character
If you usually greet each other with a peck on the lips, slip your tongue into his mouth for a change. And if you habitually hold hands during an evening, wriggle your fingers down the front pocket of his jeans the next time you’re out. These small gestures have the power to change the entire tone of the night ahead
100. Devise a lovers’ language
Use it when you’re out with his boss, casually tossing a couple of secret sentences across the dinner table – just watch, you’ll be in a taxi racing back home before dessert. ‘Simon is thinking of taking up golf’ can have an incredibly arousing effect on a bloke when it’s code for: ‘Big boy is due for a blow-job later tonight’
101. Don’t get too wrapped up in technique
Positions, toys, actions… these all pale into insignificance when there’s passion and energy in your love-making. Let yourself become utterly absorbed by your lover. Empty your mind of peripheral clutter and concentrate on the moment. Appreciate the pleasure your partner is giving you and love him back instinctively. Without the interference of conscious thought, the sexual experience will be a lot more profound for both of you