my mom died of cancer about 9 years ago…i saw it happen and when it did i couldn’t cry…something wouldn’t let me cry but deep inside its all i really wanted to do. i still feel torn up inside, its like a cut that never heal.

her favorite song was “que sera sera” by doris day. i can’t listen to it for more than a minute without breaking down.

i Still feel like it shouldn’t have happened. that theres this alternate life i missed because shes gone, like a runaway train…that there was so many hugs. so much wisom. so more more that i could have developed into.

i guess letting this stuff out is one way of dealing with it, kinna like little steps.

my condolences to all of you in the same position.