I realized a few days ago that one of the reasons I was so deadly afraid of my first love was that we were too close. When he looked at me, it wasn’t even like he was looking at me. It was like he was looking through me, and I was too ashamed of myself to be comfortable with that. I was too afraid that he would see things that would hurt him. I find now that whenever I start to have a deep relationship I start to pull away from it, perhaps for the exact same reason.

I suppose I have to love myself before anyone can love me…