From He’s just not that into you, pg.114-115

Dear Greg,

My boyfriend and I had been dating for 2 years, living together for one. We started fighting and having all sort of problems. He broke up with me three weeks ago and I moved out. Of course, I am davastated. The thing is, he calls me all the time. He wants to chat. He asks about my friends, and wants to know how my family is. He likes to keep up with the little details of my life, just as if we were going out. My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again. What do you think?—Brenda

Dear Misty Watered Colored Memories:

%{color:red}So glad he likes to keep up with the way you were. Who does need another phone pal, especially since you have a new phone and a new apartment? %

Put him on hold and listen to me, missy: A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he’s not calling you to tel you he wants you back, it should only be because he’s showing up at your new residence to do it in person. If he’s not trying to romance your socks off with dates, flowers, and poetry, it should only be because he’s too engrossed with his coupes counselling workbooks and is prioritizing getting back on the right track. If he’s not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he’s just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him really know what it’s like to live without you.

Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He SHOULD miss you. You’re deely missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, everyday, not to be with you.

Yes, he’s just not that into you is blunt and no bullsh*t… I remember when I first read the book 2 years ago, I was in tears almost all the way through… It felt literally like slaps on the face and punches to the guts.

Greg’s right about a man will move mountains to make a relationship work if he wants to. Here are some examples (these are real men, living around me):

• Man 1: He’s from a well off family. He met a woman who lives Russia over the internet. She is a poor working class woman, divorced woman with a 1 year old child. He flew over to Russia to meet her just to realise she doesn’t speak much English. They spent a week together (totally non physically because she’s a devout Catholic). When he returned to Australia, they stayed in touch, he’s helping her through English School and also initiating immigration steps to get her to Australia. He is in love with this woman. He wanted the relationship to work. Here’s a guy who flew half way across the world to meet a woman, willingly stay chaste, doesn’t care if she’s divorced and has a young son (he’s never been married), and is moving mountains of paperwork just to be with his beloved. His family are against the relationship as well, and that is not stopping him either. Physical distance, religion, family pressure and beaurocracy are not going stop this man from marrying this woman, because he wants it to happen.

• Man 2: He fell in love with a Thai go-go girl. He flew to Thailand twice in a year to spend time with her. He sent her money to go to English School. He was willing to wait for her to complete english school (while still working as a go-go girl), and wait for years till she’s able to come over to Australia. All of his friends told him that he was being naive and stupid, but he wanted to make the relationship work… Granted, it didn’t work for him, but it definitely wasn’t due to him not trying/given enough…

• Man 3: He was with this woman for 4 years, she dumped him for another man. He was devestated. And he waited, for 2 years. He was always there when she was hurt and upset over the new man. He was always supportive, never demanding anything in return. He just patiently waited but he didn’t put other areas of his life on hold. He worked on becoming a better person, not for her, or any other woman, but for himself. 2 years later, she finally realised the new man and her will never work out… There’s no certainty whether this patient man and his love will get back together and live happily ever after. This is just a story to show that if a man loves a woman, time will not erase it, even if she is not reciprocating at all.

• Man 4: One day, I was talking to this security guy, he’s 60 something years old, but that day, he shined and radiated as if he was teenager again. He told me animatedly that he’s met his high school sweet heart. He has not seen her in 50 years… but to him, she has not changed the slightest in appearance. 50 years! Circumstances stopped them from being together 50 years ago. But now, nothing is going to stop him. Last I heard, they got married, and are still living happily. :)

Ladies, think about all the things you’ve done to try to make the “relationship” work. You love this man, and you are not going to let anything get in your way. THAT is probably why you may’ve stayed with him for years longer than you probably should’ve. Because you love him and you were moving “mountains” to make it work. But you know what, apparently “mountains” are easier to move by a team of two, than going it solo.