Phones by danabee2005 on Call my father on 43 Things

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Dana is...bringing her own sunshine has been gone for far too long!

call my father (read all 2 entries…)

Phones

I want to pick up the phone I do. But I know where it has led me in the past and I am not sure if I am ready to go there yet again. He did call me a few months ago to speak to my husband of course. Then the time before that (also to talk to my husband about a satellite issue), after hearing him talk about my mom and how I never see him and all that other crap I said You know dad, I miss you…what does he say ” Babe I gotta go.”...

So maybe this goal will take a while, but I do have it on my list.

Jul 01, 2005, 11:50AM PDT | 1 cheer

Comments:

Mike

you control only yourself

If you feel like you need to talk to your dad. YOU DO IT even if he does not want to. you are onlt in control of your ownself. you make the first move. then he will know you are ready to talk and if he is not he will at least know you are. Parents are important. But what can i say i am still trying to toilet train my cat. good luck

Jul 08, 2005, 09:08AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

Dana is...bringing her own sunshine has been gone for far too long!

Thank you

(Cute remark about training your cat!)

I know i need to do this for me. It’s just whenI pick up the phone all those bad memories come into my head, but it will happen, I will call him, just out of the blue and maybe he will be in a good mood and we can have a civilized conversation and them maybe a week after that I will call him again….

It’s hard when I have a childhood of memories and even adult memories of the ‘not so nice’ things he has said, sure I control myself, but some things that hurt just don’t go away that easily. BUT Again I will call him and I will get what I want out of it, no matter what he says or thinks.

Thanks for the encouragement! :-)

Jul 08, 2005, 09:16AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

procrastinatress is losing weight and gaining radiance!

Have you had a chance

... to get “Don’t Shoot the Dog?” Not to be a pest or anything… but I think it would make this call easier on you because it gives you tools and strategies to deal with your father’s reaction and with your own fear of calling him. Like Mike said, you are in control of yourself and even though that doesn’t give you control over your father it makes a big difference to use that control wisely.

Jul 12, 2005, 07:38AM PDT | Respond to this

singinganewsongat16

Don't give in

You’ll always have a conncetion with your dad. It may not always feel like it though. It’s not easy not being able to talk to a parent. You have an empty space, as if someone chipped away at a small peice of your heart. Something will happen over time but keep calling him and don’t loose that conncetion.

Jul 12, 2005, 11:39AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

Dana is...bringing her own sunshine has been gone for far too long!

true

That is true, of course I have a connetion with him, I miss him, well the ‘good dad’. I have some great memories. I will call him….soon too.

Jul 12, 2005, 11:44AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

(This comment was deleted.)

Jul 14, 2005, 06:12AM PDT

Dana is...bringing her own sunshine has been gone for far too long!

Thank you

Gosh everyone is so supportive! I used to get upset that any good things my father would say would be said to other people and not to me. And now here I am talking about him to others….a little ironic.

My father has said some very hurtful things to me in the past, some things you just don’t say to a child. One that sticks in my mind clearly is one of many times when my mother left him and we were moving some small things to the car and he stumbled to the front porch and looked right at me and said “if you choose her don’t ever come back here”. I had a choice as a child?....Anyway that was many years ago and I really have come to terms with many things.

He has cancer and has been doing good, but I have only seen him a couple of times since he was diagnosed. That is what I am worrying about that something will happen to him and his ‘new family’ will not tell me first off and second they will not allow me be a part of it.

ANYWAY! Thank you all And I will let you know when I talk to him, today is my birthday (I won’t hear from him) but maybe I will make it a gift to myself and call….

We’ll see! Thanks again for your support and sharing your experiences! :-)

Jul 14, 2005, 06:35AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

procrastinatress is losing weight and gaining radiance!

That was really a stupid thing to say. I’m not sure whether what I am about to say will help, but it might help understand what was going on. If it doesn’t, just bear with me—these are just some thoughts I had while reading your post.

1) Most people aren’t emphatic enough to realize how much something they say can hurt someone else. They just “don’t get it.”

2) Parents say stupid things sometimes. That’s just the way it is. While we as their children always have that desire to have parents who don’t say the wrong thing (even if we have heard them saying the wrong thing for years) it’s just something they do sometimes. Some more so, some less.

3) There isn’t really an excuse for what your father said but he was probably caught up in his own problems, and just wanted to lash out at someone. While that doesn’t make him a good person, he may have felt helpless. Sometimes we do stupid stuff just because we don’t know what else to do.

Happy belated birthday to you! Too bad I didn’t read this yesterday. I hope you had a nice birthday with people you love.

Jul 15, 2005, 10:33AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

Words - Dana is...bringing her own sunshine

I did it... - Dana is...bringing her own sunshine

congrats! - dragonfly is somewhere dreaming

THANK YOU - Dana is...bringing her own sunshine

Dana is...bringing her own sunshine has been gone for far too long!

well...

Well I talked to my sister yesterday about this and she is wanting to call him, I don’t want to steal her glory so I am holding off on calling him until she does. She’s a lot younger and has not been around him much, I think she needs this a little more than I do….She is going to try and set up a time we can get together with him, so for now i am letting her handle it, until she needs my help!

Aug 18, 2005, 06:41AM PDT | Respond to this

God's Dragon Living life one day at a time...

Hi danabee2005! wow that is a big step. I am glad you are doing all that is necesary to be good to yourself…
Peace

Aug 30, 2005, 06:19PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

Dana is...bringing her own sunshine has been gone for far too long!

thank you!

It is a big step, but now seems so little! Like I was worrying about nothing. I know things will not be perfect, but I am glad they are good right now!

Thanks again for your comment!

Aug 31, 2005, 06:39AM PDT | Respond to this

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you control only yourself

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Have you had a chance

Don't give in

true

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well...

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