I am truly sorry that I missed the big event. Life has a way of throwing you curves. I still think of Alaska as home and was really looking forward to going “home”. I suffer from a psychological disorder (you all thought I was crazy and you were right) called Borderline Personality Disorder and I recently had a relapse(July) and had to spend some time in intensive therapy. Yes, there are 2 men in my life my husband and my therapist! I have spent much of my adult life in and out of therapy and going through one breakdown just to have another. Finally, with my current therapist and this latest diagnosis I have begun to work on the big picture and the real issues of dealing with a very traumatic childhood. I will be very honest and tell you all that I was sexually abused from age 4 to 17. The people who did this all still reside in Alaska. Protect your kids! This has undoubtedly left some serious psychological damage. I wanted more than anything to be able to return home to Alaska without being in fear of them. As the time grew near I just could not cope with it. I truly do regret that I missed seeing all of you. I wish I could have reconnected with those of you who made my hellish life as a kid somewhat enjoyable. The time I had at WHS with all of you was the high point of my youth, Thank you. I didn’t want to bring you all down, but I did want to let you know the honest truth.
Renate
Comments:
We missed you....
Renate,
So sorry to hear about that. Wow! It sounds like you are heading in the right direction. Just take one day at a time. It was fun seeing Jennifer and Kendra again. You were missed! Keep your head up and maybe we will cross paths in the future.
Take care,
Laurie
Your honesty shows
that you have strength and courage inside. I hope that takes your life where you want to go.
There was talk of having some off-year reunions (21st, 22nd, etc) in places outside of AK (Seattle, Portland, California). Maybe it should be Utah and we will all come see you.
Thank you
It is nice to see that you all had such a good time. Thanks for your response to my brutally honest entry. I would love to see anyone who happens out this way to or even through Utah. You can all come out and we’ll go skiing! You do know that our license plates boast of “the greatest snow on earth”. Aleyeska still has a special place in my heart, although I have learned to enjoy all of this awesome Rocky Mtn. powder! If there are any mini reunions planned on the west coast I would appreciate it if someone could let me know the when and where as I would love to go to those.
Renate
You rule!
Sorry you couldn’t make it Renate, but your honest post makes me realize we were as lucky to have you as a classmate as you were to have WHS as a safe place to hang out during those rough years. I wish you well while working through the past.
I predict that you’ll be seeing some of us over the coming years. Here’s a corny cheer from our past that somehow seems appropriate – Eagles Fly Highest!
You are too sweet!
Mr. Spils, why aren’t you married? You certaintly know how to make a girl smile. I know that you just made my day. I truly enjoyed my 4 years with all of you at WHS. Without it I would not have survived all of that mess as mentally intact as I am. My therapist keeps telling me how strong I am, I guess he’s right. I am very thankful that I had a place as great as West and people who made my life enjoyable. We did have some great times didn’t we? Some I don’t even remember, but Kelly tells me they were fun! LOL I would love to see as many of you as I can. My offer of skiing stands to any who want to come out this way. We also have a lot of mountain biking and hiking to offer. The mountains of Utah are beautiful. The desert just sucks though. Renate
aw shucks!
It’s pretty easy to be nice over the internet—but I’m happy to assist, Renate. As for getting married, I forgot! I’ll work on that.
On a serious tip, it’s interesting to hear your story as you’re being honest and that comes through in your post. I think everyone who has read it is just glad that you’ve got a great attitude about a complex set of events and issues. Life is crazy like that—and it sounds like you’re holding it all together admirably.
Life is crazy!
You said it all with that one statement, Dan. Internet or not, you always were nice except for when you were teasing me about something, but even then it was in good fun. As for the marriage thing, it will happen when you least expect it. My husband’s army buddy, who is our age(38), and had given up on ever getting married just told us last week he’s getting married in Oct. He met this girl through another army friend and they just clicked. As for the whys, I have to stay strong and hold it together for my kids, especially. They are my everything and they are the reason why I get up every day and try again. They need a mother. I do what I do because I want them to know what I didn’t. I would never want any of them, nor any child, to have to experience even a fraction of what I have. It is/was a terrible thing to have happen, but I am alive and I have a beautiful family and a husband who loves me. I will be okay. With a lot of help the emotional pain will go away and I will be able to work through the issues and come to a resolution. Right now I just go one day at a time. Some are good and some are not so good. Thank you for the encouragement and for making me smile.
Thank you for your post
I hope you can now begin to find some peace in your life.
Thanks
Chris,
I remember you and Weston and Richard T, from grade school at Willowcrest! You guys bugged the heck out of me back then! Do you remember playing warball in that stuffy old gym and how you guys would just throw the ball as hard as you could into that corner of girls and get about 5 of us out at once? Thanks for the comment. I am working hard to find just that. My husband and my kids are my driving force to become “well” again. Thanks again for the encouragement. Renate
I missed you Renate
Renate -
Your post reinforces my opinion of you that you have always been someone who rose above the superficial crap that I have always been worried about. I look up to you as a mother of 5 when I can barely handle two, as well as someone who was always able to be mature enough to steer clear of the sports, drinking and parties that I gravitated towards in gradeschool, highschool and beyond. The only crazy people in this world are those who can’t do what you can do, recognize your issues, problems and limitations. I sincerely hope that you continue your difficult work on your issues and I look forward to seeing you at the next reunion (or earlier if you visit sooner, please look me up).
Take care of yourself Renate
Weston
Email me...
Renate, we missed you at the reunion, but now I understand. Did you get the emails I sent you on this site? Email me privately or give me a call. George and I still live in Bar Harbor, so you could call information.
Missed You!
Hey ‘Nate!
Kel and I were wondering out loud if you were okay at the reunion but we only envisioned a flat tire in the middle of nowhere with 5 kids.
In high school and as adults I have always thought you were a strong person! My thoughts are with you.
-Kendra
I missed you too!
Kendra,
I am going to be alright. Flat tires I can handle. This is going to take awhile and a lot of therapy. I have had my ups and a lot of downs throughout my adulthood. It is nice to finally KNOW why. Once I began to open up and let out little bits and pieces of things to my therapist then it opened up the floodgates of hell and everything just kind of poured out. Too much too soon. I am starting to process it all. I had 5 kids without any medication, heck I’ve got to be strong! Or crazy! Hmmmmmmm… Thank you for thinking of me. Ron and I still want to come out to Cali somtime this fall either with or without the kids. I’ll let you know if we do. Renate
This Fall
The 5 kids part w/out meds is just plain crazy- hate to break it to you! :) This fall is cool, love to see ya! I should be here except from Oct 11-28 when I’m in Nepal.
Kendra
Nepal!????
What on earth are you going to do over there? Ron would love to go there but he would have to go alone. I’m afraid of heights! He loves to climb mountains and there are some big ones over there! LOL I have been told by many women that the natural childbirth thing is insane and women like me should be committed(I have been, but not for that). It just seemed like the thing to do at the time. I do so need a break and a little vacation would be fun. My therapist told Ron just that a few weeks ago. We are knee deep in the process of buying the home we have been leasing for the last 2 1/2 years, so it may be hard until that is finalized. I will be glad when it is all done. The good thing about this is that I won’t have to move and the house will be ours and I can remodel it the way I want to. Thanks for being so funny and sweet. You better than anyone know how truly crazy I am! You’ve known me since 7th grade and I was kind of crazy then and still am! Sometimes that kind of crazy doesn’t go over too well in ultra-conservative Utah! They tend to prefer the “cookie-cutter” kind of wife/mother. We both know that I am no “cookie-cutter”. I do things my way and everyone else be damnned! It works for Ron, so who cares. Never was one for conforming, was I. Wasn’t it you who bought me that poster with all of the otters on it and it said “I’m not like all of the otters” and there was one crazy looking otter dancing in the middle of it? I had that for a long time, I think it got lost in one of our many moves though. Take care. Renate
Nepal or Bust
Sounded like fun so I decided to go trekking in Nepal for a couple weeks to Everest base camp and back. I’m looking forward to it and fingers crossed I wont get altitude sickness, thats the only thing that will stop me.
Anyway, Kel sent me your email so I’ll take this offline with you and not bore the others with my prattle.
Talk at you soon!
Your friend-
Kendra
Nicole Forsi is skulking around 43 things
Hang in there!
Renate, your strength shows through your posts and I sincerely belive other survivors of abuse can get hope and strength from your story. Keep talking about it and keep getting better!
Stand TALL!!!!!!! Nicole
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