dontcry

NOT see or contact him in any way/any form for 60 days (read all 17 entries…)
Day 1 completed 3 years ago

This day 1 was easier than my 1st day one. He was supposed to call work today but didn’t. I directed my coworkers to send his calls (though they would be business calls) to my voicemail. Last time we talked he pulled me…asking personal questions. I don’t want to be his friend. I already have friends and I don’t really think it tends to work out being “friends” with someone you once slept with. I don’t think I want to keep in touch with him at all…at least that’s how I feel today.

I need to work on completely letting go of him, letting go of the idea of a future, letting go of the feeling that he is better than me. My mind knows I’m better than him but my heart feels rejected…I NEED TO LET GO. I need to stop wanting him to contact me. I need to stop wishing time would move forward quickly, to a time when circurstances are right and we can be together. I cannot put my life on hold. I cannot continue to torture myself with thoughts that he made me look like a chump!

What do I do tomorrow? Say he calls and is sent to voice mail; What if I need to answer a question… so I have to call him back? I couldn’t have someone else return his call (would be unprofessional for the secretary or the A/P person to return this sort of business call and there are currently no other means of contacting him). I just hope I can avoid contact and retain this business deal…somehow. :-/

Aug 23, 2006, 09:26PM PDT | 1 cheer


Comments:

lesetoiles

Better

Who’s better… Such a tough question. I used to think my “him” was way out of my league. I used to feel really poopy when he disappears and went to other women. I used to think he went to the other women because they were better than me. I used to think he needed other women because I wasn’t good enough for him.

But it’s all just a matter of perspectives. I don’t know why he did what he did. He probably has good reasons, even if it’s just instinctial. It wasn’t about me. What he did or did not do, was not about me either. It wasn’t about whether I was good enough for him, or as good as the other women.

We are all unique, we are all special. Even him and everyone else he was with. There’s no better, or worse. We are all different and unique. If what he did made him happy and that life style suited him at the time, then good on him.

All I need to know is, that lifestyle did not suit me. His behaviours did not suit me. Not because he’s a worse person than I am. Just because our needs and desires are different.

There’s no better, or worse. We are all individuals with a unique set of values, needs and desires. Sometimes, these values do not match at particular moments in time. That is all it was.

Aug 23, 2006, 10:22PM PDT | Respond to this

Nikki5882

yay for day one!

my day one was easier this time around too but keep in mind that it does get a little harder day 2 and 3. i think during the first week, your body is craving it’s usual routine. i know my body certainly is. it’s waiting for the text message or the IM or the phone call. my heart is still tempted to invite him to come over and hang out. but this time it’s my head that is taking control and is reminding myself that these waves of urges will pass and i will feel better soon.

like lesetoiles said…he is not better than you and you are not better for him. you are both great people but maybe you are not best for each other. only time will tell that.

as for work…if he calls you, email him back. tell him you’re too busy. don’t be as accessible. and after a while, you will adjust to having an email/voicemail only relationship with him.

Aug 24, 2006, 06:33AM PDT | Respond to this 1 cheer


dontcry has gotten 1 cheer on this entry.

 

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