I’ve just realised, and I don’t know why I haven’t realised that before: over time, two things happen in a romantic relationship – there shoule be more security, more stability, and at the same time, less obvious manifestations of love – less “I love you”s, less compliments. And that would be ok, because they are not needed so much – I don’t need to hear he loves me every day if I’m already sure of that. The reason I’m so desperate for him to tell me that now (and not with a gun pointed at his head), is because I’m really not sure he hasn’t stopped loving me since last time. Our relationship has aged but not matured. I’m very sorry, but I have a good reason to suppose that there’s a chance of him leaving me. Last time it started with him not talking, and ended with him leaving me. And at the time, when I asked him what was goin on, he said the same things: that he was unhappy, not because of me, and had to deal with it on his own and then it would be ok. No.
I want to talk to him about that. He’s on a buisness trip, I’m waiting for him to return. One or the other would have to change: either I can count on him to stay (no idea how that’s going to happen), or he will have to tell me periodically.
The first option is preferable. I really don’t want to be so needy and dependent, but how can I?