So for years now, I’ve had a plan for my life: write a novel. Find an agent. Get published. Receive accolades. Parlay accolades into further book deals, movie deals, fame, etc. Found an artists’ colony/commune/cult. Expand my artistic empire. Develop zombie army… after that it gets a little hazy, but you get the idea.

Well, it took me three years, but I completed step 1. Unfortunately, I’ve been a little stymied by step 2. What if I never get published? I’m going to have to find something else to do with the rest of my life.

So what can I do that won’t make me want to slit my wrists? And will make me enough money so my husband won’t resent me? And comes with enough social respectability so my parents won’t be ashamed of me?

My mom votes law school, but I’d rather die. Various people suggest grad school, but that only delays the problem. The only non-creative, non-academic field I can imagine enjoying is psychology. But of course, I don’t even have the undergrad requirements necessary to get into psych programs.

I also have no idea what country I’m going to be living in… ever. Hard to apply to grad schools with that kind of uncertainty in life.

Ugh. There’s got to be something I can do to earn an honest living.