29toes

matter (read all 4 entries…)
matter 3 years ago

A lot of times I think that if I take care of people around me and they are happy…. then I will be happy. And, sometimes this is true, but sometimes it isn’t. I should know by now that I can’t make someone else happy if they don’t want to be and I can only support someone in caring for him or herself.

I know I “matter”, and I want to continue to matter and contribute to my own mattering. The way I mean this is more like the physics definition ...the substance of which physical objects are composed.

I want to matter… like, since I matter – I take care of my body …since I matter – I create things, move things. Here is the physical evidence of my presence.

I don’t know if this makes sense, and it isn’t that I want others to not matter. They will, and sometimes I will help them. I just want evidence of ME… mattering. It isn’t that I am SO important, but I just think I need to be important too.

This will unfold as things do…

Sep 06, 2006, 08:49AM PDT | 2 cheers


Comments:

soundslikefun

Amen!

I think we all have a basic need to matter. I don’t think some people ever conciously think about that need to matter until they begin to feel invisible. Lately I’ve found myself feeling forgettable, disposable, and replaceable. That’s a bad place to be. Sometimes it’s easier not to think too much about it. I’ve spent a lot of time assuring others that they matter. Maybe it’s my turn.

Sep 15, 2006, 09:25PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

29toes

I like it!

Thanks for your note. Any ideas about how you want to matter?

Sep 15, 2006, 10:14PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

soundslikefun

That's a tough one.

You’ve had me thinking on that question all morning. I’m usually pretty intuitive and thought I would know the answer to such a question, but I really don’t. How do you make yourself matter to other people? I mean, really matter? I think that I’m a good friend, that I try to do a few good works in the community and in my church. But, so? On good days, I feel very confident that I matter to some people, on bad days, I feel very invisible. And if I were to ask my people if I mattered to them, I’m sure I’d hear a resounding “yes” – but I need to FEEL it in my bones. There’s also someone who I can’t get out of my head that I feel certain that I don’t “matter” to. Maybe he’s what this is all about? I’ve got some work to do obviously.

Sep 16, 2006, 11:59AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

29toes

Mattering

You sound like a lovely person and what a thoughtful reply.

I have a thought if you don’t mind my sharing. If a person leaves mattering to “feelings”... then some days they will matter and some days they won’t because feelings can change easily.

...and if they leave mattering to someone elses observation of them, then they may be there or they may not exsist.

...so (if you don’t mind another question) How would YOU like to matter?

For example: 5 (or 5000) children have dictionaries that I bought for and gave them. OR My desk is orderly at work.

Others may observe you mattering OR they may not, but YOU could see yourself mattering.

Kindly

Sep 16, 2006, 08:26PM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

soundslikefun

THANK YOU!

You really opened a door for me that I hadn’t known was there. I had just been assuming that “mattering” was dependant on other people. Your input got me to thinking that I should strive to matter to myself. In a physical sense – as in doing something tangible that I know matters. You’re right, if I’m basing my definition of mattering on “feelings”, I will find myself disappointed as those feelings change (mine or theirs). You’ve got great insight. I appreciate you taking the time to let me bounce this off of you. Looking at it from this perspective really lightened me up!

Sep 17, 2006, 09:02AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

Lightening up... - 29toes

29toes has gotten 2 cheers on this entry.

 

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