~*Serenity*~ ~*Forget not the earth delights to feel your bare feet: Gibran*~
This version of who I am…
Tears streak her face and she cries out. Please, please… I want to go home. Just take us home. Please, I’m not staying here.. I don’t like it here, I don’t want to be here anymore.
Why do you want to go home, what do you miss most about home?
“I miss my life, the pain that clouded her eyes, I have felt in my heart. Those four words I ripped into my heart. I miss my life, I hate it here. I want my friends, I want to be with my family again.. I want to go home. Please, you can have your friends back, our family.
When we were there you hated my job, you hated the hours I spent working to give to you. You hated the fact that you always had to be away from home at night so I could work. You hated going to your Aunts.
“I took it for granted.. I will never take it for granted again, Please listen to me”
Tears slipped from my eyes, my shoulders started to shake.
Baby, that is the harshest lesson we learn in life.. The hardest lesson for a child or an adult. It’s to late to change things and appreciate it when it is no-longer there, we can just learn to not have it happen again.
Your not listening to me.. You’re not hearing me. I want my family back. Call Anthony, Call Daddy, they will help us, they will bring us home.. Please. Mama please Covert is home, I hate Texas.. Anthony loves us..
There are things you don’t understand, tell me what it is you hate about here? How will we go home? Where will we live once were home? Going home does not mean going back to your old life. It doesn’t mean you pick up where you left off.. Baby, you can’t go back.. It is not possible to go back, you can only go forward.
NO, I won’t stay here, I will leave I will go anywhere but here. you don’t understand, I live my whole life there, all my friends my family.. My school. you don’t know what that feels like.
I calmly looked at this smaller version of myself, I closed my eyes.. Baby, I lived my whole life there, All my friends are there, everyone and anyone who truly loves me is there. I know what it feels like, I do understand. I want you to listen to me. There is more to things than me just wanting to hurt you.
Sit down.. I need to talk to you.
I want you to tell me what you hate. I want you to tell me why you hate it. I want you to tell me what you think moving back home will do how will it make you feel. Before you tell me. Anthony is not a part of us moving home. I know he has talked to you about it. I want you to talk to me.
the rest of the conversation involved many tears and all the truth a 13 year old could understand.. Today was an emotionally hard day for me. So many things hurt me today. This ripped my fuckin’ heart out.
Their Dad called today.. He is my best friend. He is always full of encouragement and support. Today, with all the things going on. The Exam, The person I have deep developing feelings for, the car, the everything. Their dad was very encouraging. I’m thankful for that and when he calls tonight to see how my exam went. I am sure I will cry, and I will talk to him about our children. I don’t know what to do.. I thought I was doing the right thing. I just don’t know anymore.