Sometimes I give so much it literally hurts. I give as if I desperately need to accumulate “care points.”
I’m realizing that being a self-appointed support system doesn’t guarantee that I’ll receive the same consideration in return. And perhaps that’s as it should be.
I’m learning that not everyone can be what you want them to be, or even what you need them to be—and just maybe that’s ok. There are going to be people who let you down —and not out of malice—but perhaps because they’re distracted or simply caring for themselves first. I’d like to get to the place where I feel ok taking—where I trust that the people I love won’t feel put upon…and if they do, I won’t retreat and condition myself not to extend trust. I’d like to think that I’m learning to do so with the right people—not flinging myself out into the world carelessly, but observing and taking up with people who are capable of receiving what I have to give.
I think sometimes (especially as women), we’ve learned to tiptoe. To cater to others and to give so much that there is literally nothing left. We’re told we take up too much space, be it emotional or physical. I say it’s refreshing to pull up a proverbial chair and spread out once in awhile;)