I used to collect hats. I still have a lot of hats, but nothing I’d actually like to wear, except the ‘worn-smooth-in-places-black-suede-cap’, which looks awfully ghetto, I just choose to ignore that fact because it’s an old friend.

I have vintage top hats, green velvet floppy hats, jester hats, leather hats with religious icons, cowboy hats, lacy widow hats, grandma’s Jackie-O hats, hats with ostrich plumes, crocheted hats, and little leopard caps. None of these inspire me to put them on my head and walk out the door.

I need a new hat. I looked today. With no luck. No luck at all. I’ll keep looking.