arugh. i woke up all mad. i really feel like my boyfriend doesn’t help enough around the house. and, yesterday, he called after i was in bed on his way home from work to see if i would do the dishes. i think he had done a load that day (after my 4 loads on the weekend!).

i don’t mind doing extra, but it lights me up like a christmas tree when he makes a big deal about carrying his 30% and then suggests that i am not keeping up. yarugh.

i went to sleep mad, and voila! i woke up mad.

i really think that there’s deeper issues with our relationship. not sure how to maturely deal with it. i could split – i’m very unhappy. i could yell. that would be my child-hood example. i could get all passive agressive and take it all out on the chores situation.

i feel truly insluted when someone lists the number on thing that they love about you and the realtionship is ‘how you love them’ – what does that mean?

i truly think he ‘picked me’ because i do love him so much and i do so much for him.

he does not return the efforts that i put into making his life better, that i think everyone needs in a good romantic relationship. maybe he does, in his own way. but, i don’t see it.

i think i’m being taken advantage of. actaully, i don’t know for sure that he doesn’t love me, very possible that he adores me but also just has always been in a pattern of taking and not giving.

i told him we need to talk soon. so, i’m thinking of constructive ways to bring this issue out to the open and deal with it.

as for the ‘joy’ thing, i think this is one of those days where i need to tell myself that there’s no rush. i have all the time and resources in the world. take things slow. there are a lot of things to be grateful for.

my house is beautiful

my family is doing well

i have friends i enjoy

my financial situation is good

i am growing and learning about myself

i am healthy

i have ways to deal with anger

my life has good spots

i’ve made spiritual and emotional progress

i am capable

i have the capacity for joy

i am feeling my feelings, that has to be progress!

the negavity that was is not what is fated to be

what i believe is what i will be

i don’t need to eat over it (even though i’m learning this… thankful that it’s true)

the boyfriend/dishes thing is just one part of my life, and it will improve or resolve