...from others, i’m getting a lot better at, and learning to learn from it and bounce off it.
Criticism from myself i’m busily trying to allieviate (i’ve made some progress with some self-directed CBT programs lately; books and tutorials availiable online).
But criticism from my family still cuts me down everytime. My dad is the most critical person in my life, and because he’s family i take it all personally. These days most of what he says is not constructive criticism but just vindictive. I’m trying really hard to understand that it’s not necessarily about me when he can’t be positive, and that he has his own issues to deal with. But it’s tough. I’m so used to him ostracising me it’s kind of a cycle by now.
I’m thinking about getting some counselling over this – my self esteem is so much better these days but the fact that it can dissapear when i’m around him, doesn’t seem very stable or healthy and it seems very large to be dealing with by myself, unguided…
Comments:
You hit the nail on the head.
You should never take criticism personally. You cannot change what people have said and cannot directly change how they feel or how they express themselves. You can only change how you react to what they say.
For me, no matter if it is criticism or whether it’s something stupid someone has said or done, the best approach for me is to observe it and then throw it away. I don’t want to ignore it just in case there is something valid which I shouldn’t miss, but I’ll observe it objectively and then discard it.
And if it is criticism I received, perhaps I don’t even do anything about it yet… So if the person is upset that I haven’t done anything yet, it’s more of their problem, not mine. In fact, unfortunately, it does sound like your father has some control issues. This is probably not terribly new though among parents, but it is unfortunate he does not seem to know how to communicate properly with his daughter. He is the one with the problem, not you.
Hopefully you’ll be able to deal with this ok. Good luck!
aprilsunshinegal has gotten 1 cheer on this entry.
nobodysperfect cheered this 3 years ago
