Yesterday a friend told me that the reason people like me so much is that I go out and see them only when I’m in the mood for company so they never see me cranky or complaining or bitchy. She said that they don’t see reality and have this image of me as flawless, that I “preserve the mystery.”
It made me feel like a fake. I don’t go out when I’m miserable because why inflict that on other people? It was like she was saying that my friendships are shallow because I don’t bitch and complain to my friends and they see only the best of me. But I don’t want to bitch and complain at all! And I’m kind of mean sometimes and I cry in public. I don’t know what to do with this information. I don’t buy the “everybody needs to vent” argument. I can speak from personal experience that when I state what I’m unhappy about, as opposed to bitching about it, it dissipates the emotional energy so that I can see how to avoid that particular kind of unhappiness in the future or learn how to feel it and not make others suffer.
Why would I make plans to see people when I don’t feel like it? I think the reason people like me is that I don’t inflict my every mood on them. I can say, “I’m in a really cranky mood” and then play it off as a joke while still being honestly, fully, ragingly cranky. I never thought my lack of complaining would be held up as a lack of intimacy. It dented my joy a bit.