Elderbear is subverting the dominant paradigm. kickn' back ...
A Long time ago in a city far away, full of congested traffic, I was struggling to become more “New Age.” I had one of those “Practice Random Acts of Kindness” bumper stickers on my car, and a dozen new age books on the shelf, just oozing their good karma down on me. I also had a large collection of (unread) self-help books.
Every time I’d drive, I found myself cursing the traffic, and even making rude finger gestures at certain drivers. My horn button had worn out twice in the past year.
One day I was rushing to make a light and got slowed down by the oblivious driver in front of me. He muddled through the yellow light leaving me stuck at the red. I vehemently sounded my horn and invoked enough foul language to interest the EPA.
And then I felt terrible. Instead of practicing a random act of kindness, I had acted badly. Shame on me! How could I be such a failure?
But, now I’m judging myself! That’s BAD!!! I’m bad for judging myself.
Oh, oh … That’s another self-judgment! That’s BAD!!! I’m bad for judging myself for judging myself …
I’m bad for judging myself for judging myself for judging myself …
I’m bad for judging myself for judging myself for judging myself for judging myself …
Sometime before my mind melted down from this attempt at infinte judgmental recursion, an epiphany happened. I caught the miracle:
A different voice in my head said: “Isn’t it wonderful that I have such a keen sense of right and wrong?”
The sinister inner-Judge paused his infinite spiral into self-hatred, unsure of what to say.
“Isn’t it wonderful that I have such a keen sense of right and wrong?” Instead of coming from a place of judgment, my inner lover had wrapped my inner judge in a warm hug of acceptance.
That was too much. My inner judge slunk away. Each time I judged him, he grew and gained power. But now love and acceptance had silenced hime.