tell my best friend i love her (read all 3 entries…)

i’d like to think this was a realistic goal…but lately, it just seems completely hopeless to me.
we used to be so close. that is, until she got a boyfriend, then everything went to shit. she’s 16…he’s 20. and i hate it.
before he came along we would spend nearly every day together; we’d hang out after school, she’d pick me up after work, and she’d surprise me on her way home from orchestra rehearsals. it was great. now we haven’t hung out since she started dating him a couple weeks ago.
what i hate is how she acts like nothing is different.
when we are together, she’ll be completely attatched to me the whole time. she’ll sit on my lap, even if there’s an open seat next to me, she’ll hold my hand for no reason, kiss me on the cheek for no reason, and what really gets me was when she tells me “you’re the only friend i kiss, you know.” or “you’re so cute, i love to snuggle with you.” or when i would hug her and she holds on for a little while and say “aw. i like this.”
...i like it too. it just frustrates me because she makes it seems like there could be something there…but there’s not. she has a couple other people she calls ‘best friends’ but she doesn’t act like that toward them.
i’ve had feelings for her for about a year now, and the longer i wait, the harder it is to handle.
i don’t know what i’m more afraid of—letting her know i love her and making it completely awkward between us, or her saying she feels the same way.

i can’t say either outcome would feel particularly amazing, because either way, i wouldn’t know what to do. i’m an incredibly awkward person, and this is just a little overwhelming.



I want to:
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