Your comment was so kind, and I am speechless that someone other than my kids think maybe I am doing a good job with them. I guess it’s part of being a Mom to worry, to doubt and/or be concerned that we are somehow not enough. If it is just me, then I definately need to chill out. LOL

I admire you for finding the balance of being “100%-you-while-100%-Mommy” ... I do not understand how to do this. Before becoming a Mommy I had dreams of University, “success,” constant stability and (we’re talking very high dreams here) someday obtaining my M.H. Certification and opening my own business with my own herbal remedies. I have studied (for a total of around 3 years) and have always dreamed of attending the School of Natural Healing to make it offical. I love to both grow and wildcraft medicinal herbs, and I feel that there are few common ailments that cannot be treated by nature. I also spin my own pottery, so I had dreamt of creating my items from the earth, from seed to clay… all of it, and someday being able to heal anyone who comes to me for help.

I am not lacking in anything regarding success! Perhaps I do not earn a paycheck (eBay or precious metals excluded), however I am building, guiding, and nurturing the future. I look to my children to gauge how successful I am… it takes so much more than merely having a baby. 90% of women can do that. It goes beyond that; it’s a 24/7 job, and we are always on call (as you know =)).

I am working towards the stability that my husbnd and I used to have, which will take time. Alhamdulillah we are both healthy and have all the time in the world to build and better our relationship.

Someday I hope and pray to return to school, and complete my double-major in Religion and Cultural Anthropology. I have no idea what I will do with it… I just want to know that I have done it. I adore learning, and as my father used to tell us, the more we learn, the more we realize there is to learn! =)

I am grateful and blessed to have such a wonderful, happy, stable family. I am very blessed (and eternally grateful) to have such wonderful, amazing children, who are healthy, content, brilliant and who are able to eat. That is such a huge thing that so many people overlook…

But I want to remember who I was, as a person, before I became only a Wife and Mommy, and no longer Fereshteh. I miss the dreams and knowing that I was an individual on my own, without children or a husband to give people a reason to talk with me or relate to me. Before people only referred to me as “(my child’s name)’s Mom” or “(My husband)’s Wife” or “(any of my sibling)’s sister.”

I know I am being selfish, and I apologize to everyone who feels that I am too positive to allow myself to be sad about this, but I feel as though I have lost me, the me that I knew when I was small…

There must be balance. You have found it, and I would be extremely grateful if you would give me advice (even if it is “get off of your pity pot” ;)). There must be a way to balance everything in my life…

On another note, thank you for mentioning my use of insh’allah. =) I feel that it is crucial to always recognize that there is a higher power than our own. I would love to read the poem you have someday, if it is not too personal. If it is, this is okay, and I understand completely.

Thank you again for your comment, and forgive my huge long response. I cannot tell you how much I admire you for knowing yourself so well, and it is my opinion that your children are also extremely lucky to have you as their Mom. =)

I agree completely, family is so very important. I left everything behind when I became a Mom, even my hometown, and started new to give my daughter the best possible life.

I know that this will not last forever, however I also know that nobody is guaranteed another day to truly live. This is both why I put all of myself into my babies (because I may not have tomorrow), and also why I occasionally mourn the loss of the me that I was for so long; the independant dreamer who had the world to herself. I am no longer so self-centered (alhamdulillah!), but as I posted above, I need to find balance.

Everything that God made is balanced, light / dark, man / woman, old / young, hot / cold, etc… It is up to me to discover the balance that He has given to me in this amazing journey, and be at peace.

You are very blessed to have had such a wonderful family to raise you with great morals and a wonderful appreciation for family. I had to find this on my own, which I am actually very grateful for. Although it was trying at times, I know that it made me a better person, and I am so happy to give my children what every child should have. =)

Your parents indeed sound like they gave you extremely wise advice, and they are blessed to have a child who listened to them and absorbed what they taught you.

Thank you for the morale-booster, I needed it! =) I will think deeply on what you have said, and apply that to my reach towards the happy medium that I know is close at hand.