Allow me to share a story…
Once there was, and twice there wasn’t a woman named Fereshteh. She had grown up without the adoration that many children receive, and learned early to raise herself. It did not take long for Fereshteh to begin dreaming… she padded out the world with books, tales of princesses and mermaids. She lost herself in art, and later studied Quantum Mechanics because (simply put) she loved the idea of a world unexplained.
Fereshteh loved the idea of being in love, however refused herself to become attached in order to protect her heart. When meeting JH, Fereshteh plainitively told him that there would be no relationship. Only school, college, a great job and a successful career. Two months later and Fereshteh was in love.
Both Fereshteh and JH were young, however they agreed that it was not proper to have an extensive relationship without marriage. Eight months after meeting the man of her dreams, Fereshteh was married. They were young, smart, happy; the world was theirs. They enjoyed life together, filled in the missing pieces that neither knew they had.
Fereshteh was a daydreamer, her new husband was down-to-earth. She was slight of build and pale, he was tall and olive-skinned. She lived in a world where faeries and dragons just might exist, he lived in a world full of hard truth that required strength to navigate and survive. She chose with her heart, he chose with his mind. Where she was emotional and slightly spacey, he was logical and extremely intelligent. They were perfect opposites, and a perfect match.
Happiness was not destined to last forever. Three years into their marriage, our happy young couple realized that being parents had taken time away from them. Neither believed in divorce, however they grew apart. One day Fereshteh awoke to the realization that she no longer knew the man who was sharing her bed. His ring matched hers, he was an amazing and giving lover, but deep down, who was he? Aqa JH was a wonderful husband, working many long hours and providing for his family… how to find time to get to know him again?
Fereshteh and JH began striving to understand who the other was, and to become the best friends they once were. At first it did not go well, and the beautiful partenership that is marriage began to fall apart. Fereshteh, now Umm Makram, lost herself in her role as mother in order to masque the lonliness and strain of a constant facade of perfection. Aqa JH was growing frustrated attempting to understand this woman who was now so strange to him and yet his wife.
The marriage finally broke into small and sharp-edged pieces. After so long of the rift growing ever-wider, their families (the same family who had taught them divorce is a sign that neither person is willing to try their hardest) began to suggest separation. In time they threw up their hands and walked away. Each went their seperate ways, attempting to find happiness in the world around them.
Happiness eluded them. Wanting, searching, trying to forget. It did not happen. One night, as Umm Makram sat in a cold hostel in a strange city, the phon rang. Aqa JH wished her back, missed her, told her how he could not look at the house without thinking of her. She could not return fast enough. Leaving her new employment behind, she returned home as quickly as the car could go. A small piece had been put back into place.
It would take years, but in time Ferehteh and JH became close again, first friends, eventually life partners. It took much work and many hours spent talking and crying and forgiving. Yet it happened. Their marriage was put back together piece by piece, forming a beautiful mosaic that was stronger for the break that had happened once before.
Life could not have been better for our couple. They had a beautiful home, four amazing children and a stable marriage. The children were happy, the couple was closer than they ever had been and for once everything seemed picturesque. Until the company that Aqa JH worked for transferred him to a distant city, far from anywhere the couple had ever lived.
The family moved their belongings and relocated. Suddenly life went from simple and comfortable to chaotic and ovewhelming. Extra time ran off into the night and never returned.
Umm Makram had to work overtime as a mother to help her children adjust, especially the eldest ones who had made friends in their previous school and now had to start over. The house needed straightening, boxes needed unpacking, and a masjid had to be found. There was no time left for the late-night conversations that Fereshteh so loved, let alone time to charm her husband daily.
Aqa JH was busy as well. He had to prove his worth at this new (and more formal) place of employment. He had to put in extra hours for meetings and had to arrive home later than usual. There was only one car, and he needed it. Fereshteh could not drop in to cheer him up at work or drop off gormeh sabzi for lunch. Small things in the grand scheme, but large in a marriage that was finally healing.
Today Fereshteh and JH are still busy, still settling in this new and different city. She is active in her children’s lives both in and out of school, and is struggling to keep her kids safe from prejudice that is occasionally violent, while not losing herself. He is woking hard, balancing being a wonderful father and husband with being an excellent employee. There is rarely time to be alone, and weekends are spent getting things done that had been waiting until both were at home.
There is concern now, neither want the relationship to suffer another devastating break. Fereshteh stands alone on many days, offering Du’a for the security and happiness of her marriage. JH attempts to find extra time to spend with her, to place her on equal footing with work, but is growing frustrated once again with the state of his union with this woman who spends her days dreaming. Neither wants to give up, and neither know what to do. Fereshteh has realized once again that she is begining to lose her understanding of the man she married, and JH is realizing that Fereshteh is once again a stranger to him.
There will be time, it will be pulled from other activities that can wait.
I, Fereshteh, will make time.
I adore my husband as I have adored nobody except my children, and I will see to it that my husband will know me again, even if I have to try every day until the end of time.
We will live happily ever after.
The end. =)
