i think i had this. i know i lost this.

everything that i was once excited about, i’m not. i know i love interior design, but where is my passion for it?

i’ve lost it somewhere. this past month has been hard but that’s no excuse for lost passion. the truth is, i’ve let it go. now i want it back.

i want to be that individual i’ve always been. unfraid of others oppinions. confident of myself. that person who’s goals included painting her boyfriend’s chest and running through a field of wildflowers.

i want to spend time on the things i love. i want to paint. draw for hours. take pictures. capture life. i want to spend entire days laying around with my boyfriend. and entire days out having fun with him. i want the awkwardness and insecurity to go away. i want to not care of others oppinions and be confident in who i am once again.

i want to be free to love and live again. that sounds so cheesy but i don’t care. i find myself afraid to love. it’s that very love that betrayed me last month and is making me scared now.

so how do i overcome this fear and embrace my passion? how do i embrace everyone and everything with open arms when i’m really just scared of getting hurt and of being rejected? this is about as honest as i’ve been for a while now. i’m realizing i need time for myself, time to indulge in my passions and time to heal.