I wonder when I’m going to reach this goal.

Now I’m not even going to school, because being there with all those people is too hard. I know I’ll need to go there someday and I’m just prolonging it further and further, but every single day makes it harder to go.
I should be doing something to this. Well, in a way I am, I’m continually trying to solve this mess in my head. But still I spend most of the time alone in my room, only wanting to lie in my bed and sleep all my problems aways. And it doesn’t work that way.
I don’t want to kill myself. A year ago I wanted to, I wasn’t completely sure, but I still wanted it. These days I understand that life is a gift, specially when I live in a country like Finland, but I’m getting tired and I wouldn’t mind if a car drove over me today. And that thought makes even myself sad.

Wish I even knew where to start healing myself.