You are right – a man does need more than that. I stayed in a similar situation for far too long a time. The reason for my persistnece was the egotistical belief that somehow if I tried hard enough, I could change things for the better.

The truth is that no one has such superpowers. If she doesn’t love you, and if she isn’t willing to make some changes herself, then you cannot make it happen by yourself.

The sooner you take action the better. You need to focus on what you can do to make things better for those two kids, and how you can maintain a good relationship with them.

Everyone deserves to be loved; and that “everyone” includes you.

If your wife is no longer interested in being intimate with you, you should discuss it with her. Not in terms of placing blame, but in the interest of being up front about it and trying to work towards understanding.

We all have reasons that we feel justify our actions. My advice is to talk to her as openly and honestly as you can about it. If possible, see if the two of you can get into counseling. Give things a finite time table, even if you don’t discuss it openly with her, and re-evaluate things at that point.

Never take it out on your kids if you can help it. Some things are difficult if not impossible to take back. Treat each moment with them as the gift that it is and your relationship with them will not suffer no matter what happens between you and your wife.

Luck to you.

As a twice divorced male, I have HUGE respect for those who make it. Especially, but not only those who make it first time. Divorce is not an easy option. Silverwings has it right when she says that you need to discuss it with her. As you cannot change your wife, but only change yourself, you might start with asking her what she likes about you and get into a discussion in which you listen carefully to what she says about your life together and how it has evolved over time. It is a truism but communication is the key. I used to think I was a good communicator but now I am not so sure. I am sure that your wife will also want to be happy and loved, and that she would also like to see your relationship improve. There are always at least two sides to any story. Can you listen carefully to hers in a way that lets her open up to you?

Maybe you can dance together.

Chris
NZ Dancer
http;//dancetours.blog.com

Going through the same feelings. Two kids. Husband of 13 years. We talked about our love life (lack of one) and what we could do but I’m not really sure if it helped. I think he wants to leave but doesn’t want to say so. I think this because he said that he cut me off emotionally and phyically. And he wasn’t sure why but that maybe he wanted me to have an affair or leave. But then he says he doesn’t want to end our marriage. And then I did have an affair. Yeah and Boo. Feel good and bad. Made me feel wanted and sexy. Made me feel bad for lying.