If only everyone could see me now… curled into a ball, screaming and there’s no sound coming out. So close to suicide, and so far from the answers. Gasping like I’m choking. Sobbing. But I pick up the phone to call someone, and I can’t find one person to call. What would they think of me now? I know nothing they could say would help, and this would color their opinion of me, in a major way. I’m alone again.

I used to be proud when they said “You’re amazing. How can you deal with it all, and still be so positive?” Now I know how much I’ve lied to them. They don’t see me like this. I dont want them to, but I have no right to take credit for a fake sanity that I fooled even myself with.