For IOP Surrender and King Baby Essay
Surrender (spirituality and psychology), the relinquishment of one’s own will
Just to clarify. What if perhaps I decided to surrender myself to myself? What if I could detach myself from society, from negitivity and place myself in a comfort zone such as a “womb” as referred in King Baby. All of my needs be met and have the security of warmth from my Mother’s womb again. What if perhaps I could believe that my “higher power” lives within me? This would be my therory. As a spiritual being, which refers only to my soul, mind, and heart, is equipped with the greatest powers ever. If I look deep enough inside myself, nurturing my own “inner child” as they refer to it in King Baby, how can I as a loving adult neglect that child inside me? If I, or most any person were on the street and seen a young child wondering around lost and cold, I think most people would try to help the child. That is built into our “insticts” which we are already equipped with as a spiritual being that is capable of learning and growing. It is somewhat like a program card for things that we naturally learn from society. I believe some of society is good, some is bad. I think I carry with me my childhood. Guilt was a part of that. For example, if you break this rule you will have this, this and this for consequences. So I break the rule, then we are taught to feel guilty and be punished. Then I am told that Parents only do the things that they do because they love us and want to teach us right from wrong. So I must say, “Why?”, to every thought that enters my mind.
My Example:
A thought like, “I really want to drink.”, I ask myself, why? Well because it relaxes me why? well because it is my copeing mechanism, why? That was all I ever taught myself to use to alleviate the pains in my life, why? Well because it hurts, why? because so many people have caused me pain, why? Ok ya all ready for this…...BECAUSE I ALLOWED THEM TO CAUSE ME PAIN, why? Because I didn’t search for any other options to deal with pain, why? because I became attached to my excuses that led my mind to believe that it was ok for me to drink, why? it benefited me to rationalize loseing control of myself abandoning respocibilities, why? because I was a child young and immature….....................
A child….a KING BABY? After a certain age I believe we have to take control of our minds, heart and soul and decide that we deserve much better than what we have allowed ourselves to become. Surrender ourselves to a new process of thinking that leads us to positive changes in our lives. Each person is different, the ways they are “programmed” to deal with life’s temptations and expectations. You have to set goals for yourself at times, but cannot completely dwell on them. When life seems overwhelming I want to stop, detach myself, go to my womb, live in the NOW, imagine no past and no future exists and savor that moment immensely. I also think to myself, would I like that savory moment to be me smoking a joint, burning up my mind, damage that child within me and cause additional chaos in my life. That is the decision that only I can make for me, because I deserve that and I want to nurture my inner child.
At one point or another in my life I believe I have had all 23 characteristics of a KING BABY.
It claims that 12 step programs are to “confront and overcome our character defects”. We are the only one that has control of our mind. Processing thoughts for life through meditation or however you desire to “cope” with life, ME, I, Jenny are the only being to change my thinking patterns. To each action there is a consequence…..I would say I would like to teach myself to be more selective of my actions from now on. If one action didn’t turn out so well, view the opposite action and see if there is any in the grey area between that seem more logical to your personal spiritual being.
I sit in my silence and reflect all my options. I sort my thoughts as a growing spiritual being, process them, make a decision with a proper consequence, and let all the negitivity free. If for some reason this action or decision falls though, try again, I only fail if I tell myself I have failed. I can use the past in my reflections as a learning tool, but refuse to dwell on what I cannot change. I am my worst enemy, if I choose so to be.
I am only angry, sad, violent, hateful, if I choose to be this way, I hope to eventually be able to grasp process and release my pain and hurt in positive, healthy survival skills we could call them.
I hope that with time I will learn how to deal with these feelings better. I know it will not be perfect and it will take a lot of time to retrain my thought processes, but slowly I will learn how to detach myself get the space I need in my “womb” and grasp a new perspective on me, who I am, and where I would like myself to take me.
I guess I would be surrendering my old ways to the new knowledge I am capable of teaching myself, and in return save myself and my sanity, and live a full healthy life.
2006 Jen
The 12 Steps
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
