So I guess one last try didn’t work. We are done. I have been on a couple of dates with a new guy but find myself constantly thinking of him. I have no idea why. I can go over the list of things that I want in life and he just doesn’t fit. Do people have to go through a certain designated amount of pain in their lives before they find happiness? I think that happiness is in your own hands and my problem is that I find a certain amount of comfort in being sad. I feel so much anxiety. I should go to the doctor and get some form of “medicine” that numbs me to all of this pain and uncertainty but then I will just walk through life in a daze and will not be able to look back on this time as my “difficult period.” I want to be able to really appreciate true happiness when and if I find it. I don’t really require a lot. I should require more. Maybe that is the entire problem. I need to write a list of all of the things I want in a partner and never settle. Time is my enemy. I have wasted so much of it and now it is laughing in my face as it races by. I continue to get older as nothing around me changes. I know that I have to be proactive in my life but there is a wall that I just can’t get over. I know what I need to do but actually taking action and doing something seems impossible to me.
Comments:
I don't recommend numbing yourself
That’s what lots of addicts are doing to avoid their pain. Those who get help find out that the only way to get beyond the pain is to work through it. Until you do that it seems to come back over and over.
I do believe that we have to go through a certain amount of pain in order to find our happiness. Some people are lucky enough to have parents who know that pain is a teacher and allow their children to experience it, but are there to support them and help them through it. Others have parents who shield them from pain and as a result their growth is stunted and they have to experience it as adults. I know that’s what happened to me.
It is possible to get past the anxiety of life. I used to be a very anxious person and was always worried about the future. I finally learned how to make the decisions that would lead me to a better future and let go of the worry. It was an amazing liberation that lead me to more happiness, peace and serenity that I’ve ever had in my life.
I read your previous entry and it sounds that what you want out of life is very reasonable. I don’t think your dream live sounds at all impossible to share with someone. You just need to find the right person.
I think that it’s better to make a list of things you don’t want in a partner and go from there. That way you don’t get hung up on specifics. It also opens you up to finding someone who you might have passed up before but is perfect for you. For example I always thought my partner would have to have a college degree, but I found a very intelligent woman who hadn’t been to college. She is absolutely wonderful and I shudder thinking that I would have missed her if I’d held onto that silly requirement.
I hope that you are able to find a way to be happy.
